A Lady's Journey to Life: My Relationship With Others- I am a Failure

So here I just listened to a few resonant interviews that were held through the desteni productions channel back in 2010 and 2011, please click the links to listen they were very helpful to me, but anyways, I got some great insight through them into my own process and my own mind. One of the contributing factors to my experience of myself with others is this already accepted and allowed belief of myself that I am a failure and that no one is going to want to be around me or be connected to me because I don’t have much to offer.

Now in physical reality I am not really aligned with my mind as I do have things to offer and I do have people around me that see that I can contribute to things, but all the while I am allowing and accepting back chat that I am the opposite, that other’s are not wanting to be around me, and that I am of no worth to others. There is this underlying experience and backchat that is going on that everyone sees me as this despicable person and there is no reason to for me to even approach them because I will be rejected, so I am fighting this within myself. This is very self abusive to myself and so also contributes to my outflows of abuse towards others in different outlets in my daily life, I see, realize, and understand I am participating and becoming possessed in the mind within beliefs that are not based or grounded in reality as I am not basing myself or grounding myself in reality, but too much allowing thoughts and emotions to direct me in my day to day living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be a failure before I even attempt to try or engage with people or in a event in physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my mind when it says that I am not worthy to be with others and that others don’t want to be around me, and so create and manifest this in my reality by not being receptive or physically participating with others but secluding myself and closing the door of opportunity before it has even begun to open.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within myself I am inherently flawed and existing within a point of having something inherently wrong with me based on judging different parts of myself within reality that I have created an absolute about and believe that who I am in this state is who I am always.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have no worth in this world and no value within myself in who I am as a being because I judge myself based on the way I act and look and so see that I am not as good as others as I am still accepting and allowing comparison to direct me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself inferior to others and so fear rejection from others as I have placed worth in others higher then my own self worth.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to put my own self worth into the external world and so get emotional and fear the external not accepting me, when i don't accept myself and reject myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by my external reality and so disempower who I am within myself as a living being in my physical body and so in my physical world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to exist within comparing my expression to others and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to create separation within my world in positive and negatives and create my world into a desire to win and so create the disappointment when it turns out to be the opposite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still exist within beliefs that I have no skills and I am not smart and so believe that I will be of no use to anyone that is wanting to be with me or get me involved in a project.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live out the self victim state within myself where I see that I have too much on my plate and so believe that I am being put under too much pressure when in reality it is me holding onto these self pity of seeing myself as less then others and that I will fail at this anyway and disappoint everyone around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to disappoint others and will do this because I am not able to get things done and do things in a way that is efficient because I believe myself to be not capable and not smart enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not smart enough and not capable enough to move beyond my mind and my beliefs and work within physical reality, participating with reality, and moving myself as living in physical reality with others to walk what is here, and let go of the points that are not supporting me and move within what I am able to do in each breath.

When and as I see I am in a point of belief and thinking of how I am a failure and judging myself within any way that is in polarity, I stop and breath, and look within myself to realize that I am able to live here and express myself, it only takes a breath and a movement, I realize I don’t have to continue to exist within this mind belief of less then, and can let it go and exist in a way that is by principles and self directed assuredness through building self trust and self integrity by living my words.

I commit myself to let go of and stop all back chat that is self defeating and also self praising.

I commit myself to move through these energy experiences of feeling low or desiring to get a high.

I commit myself to move myself in physical reality in these moments where I want to go into self defeat and push my fears to stop them.

I commit myself to walk this path until I am here and able to self honestly live my utmost potential and prove to myself that I am able to direct myself and have let go of the system thoughts that I am not capable and no one likes me.

I realize that it’s not about the other or the external reality, but who I am within myself, so I commit myself to build myself within my living word and stop my mind from directing me into self compromise as I direct myself as the mind into and as self correction in alignment with what is best for all.