A Lady's Journey to Life: September 2013

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

'Testing Things' to Hide from Myself - Day 346

Please reference these blogs for more perspective on this point:

This point is on the desire to actually continue the addiction I had been walking to the high from drugs through an idea I created and statement I made to myself that 'I am testing myself on the drug to see how I am and if I am able to not be moved', even after I had stopped this point and been walking process for some time. But really I was deceptively hiding the fact that I still did not want to stop the addiction, and so hid behind the excuse of I am testing myself when that is really not relevant of the process I am walking to become life equal and one here in the physical because as I realized it's not about who I am on drugs, but who I am breath by breath, so testing myself is irrelevant as it has nothing to do with the physical, but everything to do with the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse of testing myself within doing a drug to veil the fact that I desire to actually still do the drug and continue to be in this addiction as it gives me instant gratification.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within desires, wants, and needs, within a belief in my mind that i am not happy unless i have something to do or exist from outside myself.

I forgive myself that I have not yet accepted and allowed myself to realize that i see, realize, and need nothing outside myself to be here and exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to believe that through testing a drug I am becoming more transcended within it, when really what i am doing is existing within self compromise as i am really just prolonging the point of simply stopping participation in it through stopping the addiction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be moved by self interest in the desire to get something from what i am doing instead of standing here within an equal support of give and receive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live from the desire and belief that i can have instant satisfaction through drugs and live into this desire by hiding and excusing my behavior through justifications that i am walking self honestly when in reality I am just feeding my desire to have life be instant and satisfying through giving into energy possession as addiction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am not going to have any consequence for just allowing this point to continue overtime, when i realize that my physical is being effected through a pain within the knee as continuing to exist in self interest as ego - knee=ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not care about the effects that my actions as living only in consideration of energy through the mind as desires instead of considering the reality of life, my physical, my self honesty, and my self trust within who i am and being able to stand by that to be trustworthy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind the words 'testing myself' as an excuse to do drugs and get high feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that I can do it one more time and it's fine, when i continue to use this excuse and not be able to be trusted within it as my actions are showing that I am addicted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live my words and thus diminish my effectiveness in the physical to be able to truly trust myself.

I forgive myself that I have not yet stood by my word to stop my desire/needs for drugs through standing within each and every movement to do it and not give into the energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself lie to myself in saying it's ok one more time, I am just testing myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the process of becoming life to get high and hide behind the dishonesty of my actions as it's really due to self interest.

When and as I see myself going into the excuse of I am testing myself or I can do this one more time, I stop and breath, and I realize that this is not honest, I am using this excuse to get a fulfillment as I am in desire and need as energy within the mind through thoughts as debates to do it or not. I realize if I am being moved within the mind as energy and within my physical, I am not standing and thus I can not trust my words nor actions.

I commit myself to stop these thoughts of 'I am testing myself' in a self compromising action.

I commit myself to stop these thoughts of 'I am only doing it this one time' through not participating in them and letting them go.

I commit to write out the points that come up that I see I still have any energy movements within them and clear them.

I commit myself to breath and push my living breath by breath in living my words, being effective, and pushing myself beyond my boundaries until I am here and standing through my own self direction in self honesty absolutely.

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Equal Money System - Site

Check out FREE Downloads of Supportive Interviews to Help You Walk this Journey to LIfe, Enjoy!

Parenting - Perfecting the Human Race - Part 1
Parenting - Perfecting the Human Race - Part 2
Parenting - Perfecting the Human Race - Part 3
Parenting - Perfecting the Human Race - Part 4
Parenting - Perfecting the Human Race - Part 5

The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Introduction
The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Self Image and Imagination- Part 1
The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Self Image and Imagination- Practical Support - Part 2
The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Comparing Images and Imagination- Part 3
The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Comparing Images and Imagination- Practical Support - Part 4
The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Positive Self-Image Relationship - Part 5

Relationship Success Support - Connection Personality
Relationship Success Support - Introduction
Relationship Success Support - Intimacy Personality (Part 1)
Relationship Success Support - Intimacy Personality (Part 2)
Relationship Success Support - Intimacy Personality - Part 3
Relationship Success Support - Intimacy Personality - Part 4

The Spirituality of the Snail – Part 1
Psychic Animals - The Sheep - Part 1
Psychic Animals - The Sheep - Part 2

Free Supportive Self Perfection Educational Interview(s) Link

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Sunday, September 22, 2013

Seeing life as Boring - Day 345

Please reference this blog for further perspective on this point:
"Mind Give Me Joy" - Day 344

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see life as boring.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see my experiences within my mind as exciting and interesting.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see my mind images as smoking weed and then going and doing a physical activity as fun.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the thought that 'doing physical things is much more fun high'.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought that 'i have much more interesting and insightful realizations when i am high'.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see being high as a way to connect with life more, with people more, and be more intelligent.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire weed when i am reading and researching things as I believe that I gain more out of what I am reading due to being high and on weed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to smoke weed when i am in the bathtub because i had a belief that being high makes me more relaxed.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe these acceptances about weed as helping me more then if I was not on them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind as images of memories of being high in the past and seeing how enjoyable it was as i remember how I experienced myself connecting to nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that those memories of moments that I apparently was connecting to nature where in fact real, when I realize that I indeed did not connect to nature because I couldn't communicate with it and physical see beyond the usual of what I always see.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that life with out weed is boring.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe life without any drug to get me high such as pills, hash, e, mushrooms, alcohol that I will not experience life in a different way and a heightened way because I have a belief that all i am is the way i see myself within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only imagine life through my mind, what it's like and what is possible without taking the physical steps to move myself, transcend my mind through these points of desire, and walk the self perfection process breath by breath until it is done.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fall into the belief that life is through thinking and memories and substances outside myself to enjoy it and experience myself as more.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to experience myself more then who I am here in each moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe me here living breath by breath is not enough, is not stimulating enough, and thus always go into energy as desire and fulfillment through outside sources.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see those who smoke weed and do drugs as a cool group, and those who don't are missing out.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that not doing drugs is missing out on life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to fulfill my desires within my mind to receive excitement within fulfilling them through outside sources.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only consider myself and my wants within the desires to fulfill my excitement instead of the life i am effecting such as the physical body with weed and it's effect on my lungs.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not care about the consequences in my mind dimensions as well as on my physical body of doing drugs and seeking pleasure through desires and pushing myself to fulfill them in an addiction personality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only care about getting high and having fun and enjoying myself in my mind as thoughts and imaginations and fantasy scenarios rather then the physical environment i am effecting and my physical itself I am abusing.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to make my mind god as the excitement, fun, good, pleasure fulfilled and the physical what is real as the boring, avoidable, undesirable based on seeking energy through my mind as experiences of feelings as stimulation in thinking and fantasizing about what could be, or imagining what i'll be like in the future.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to become addicted to my own self interest in seeking instant gratification through outside influences through the mind as energy rather then walking the physical process here, breath by breath in my living, and accumulating my living to be real, substantial, and what is best aligned with all life equal to self and who I am in my living.

When and as I see myself go into my mind to seek any point of self interested outside source for my pleasure or stimulation through energy addictions such as drugs, or sex, or food, or sleeping, I stop and breath, and realize that going to do something or be something to get a high, I am existing within the mind as a polarity of the physical, making the physical and the mind in competition and comparing it, rather then living here in my physical and directing myself within and as my living each and every breath with no need, want, or desire directing me, i direct me here in what I self will within my own common sense assessment and decision in each moment. I realize that life is not boring but here living and changing but stable in each moment, life is everything and thus is not able to be defined and categorized but is simply who I am in each moment.

I commit myself to breath through all desires that come up to do something or have something that is based on a point of seeking fulfillment within the mind as an addiction.

I commit myself to move myself within each moment to substantiate my life through actually living and expanding myself within my own self application, my own learning, my own doing, and become aware here in each moment.

I commit to walk breath by breath and use my physical movement to become aware of all that is here in each moment, connecting to my environment, and letting go of the need of fulfillment outside myself and see myself already fulfilled here.

Saturday, September 14, 2013

"Mind Give Me Joy" - Day 344

Recently, a few points have opened up in relation to addiction and specifically desiring entertainment because I perceive life to be boring, so to entertain myself within my mind through my living, I had been using drugs for the past 10 years or so to do this. Now within the past 3 years, I have been walking the desteni process which has supported and assisted me to stop smoking weed as this was my main drug of choice, and I have become stable within my direction as my decision to never go back to the way I use to be on this drug. I also let go of the thought patterns, the desires, the picture activation within my mind to go ahead and smoke weed by stopping my participation in them over time each and every time they would come up, stop and focus on the physical. Over time these mind components that usually set me on the track to do drugs, had become lesser and lesser as I stopped my mind and so the desire diminished greatly. This supporting me to stop my participation in weed completely.

But recently, I have realized that I have not completely transcended this point of addiction as I still at times follow desires and thoughts to get a rush of energy as excitement or fulfillment through something outside of myself. I have found the main common denominator within these addiction desires that eventually leads me to some sort of energy rush be it sweets, drugs, sex, or even watching a movie or a show, was this point of being bored within my day to day living, seeing life as more fun with the release of these feelings. I was being moved by a desire within me to get some excitement in my life even though I was not supporting my body and in more cases then not my body was showing to me that I am abusing it, through pains, aches, and sickness.

What I have realized through the help of other destonians is that this point of seeing life in reality as boring, I am time looping myself within because I am polarizing what is real as boring and what is illusion as stimulating, and thus you can see the dilemma, I am searching and seeking illusion while disregard and abusing what is real as not as worthy. So an addiction pattern I have been participating in making the mind be the positive, the energy rush that I get when I get the desire fulfilled such as sex, drugs, sweets, or whatever it is, and then make my living, my life, life in general in physical reality the negative. But through this belief that I am following that life is boring, I am being played the whole time by consciousness as the mind through me as it gains the energy it needs to continuing existing sucking the physical life from my physical body as it resource the energy straight from the physical itself.

And so creating a point of self sabotage within me as destroying that which is real, life, my physical participation, and my opportunity here to birth myself as the physical itself equal and one as life to become what is here in fact, the physical, the life that's always been here that I have not discovered yet beyond the mind, beyond thoughts, beyond energy, but here in breath. And this discovery of the physical as I have come to learn through many different interview series of great support from desteni is that we have the ability to be one and equal in communication with the physical reality, the animals, the plants, the trees, my physical body, everything that exist as it is right here to be accessed because everything that exist is life and thus is self as we are all one here as life because we are all physically existing. We are all here existing as the physical and the physical is life which is the real self, who we really are, so there is a process to be walked to get there, and so this polarity point I have been existing within is separating me from this life here in the physical as I exiting in my mind searching and seeking energy release.

So obviously, I will have to walk the self forgiveness process in clearing this point of polarizing my reality with my mind, and merge the two to be here, direct, within my own directive principle living in common sense through placing self commitments to support my living change in what is best for all as this is the path to life. From what I have understood thus far in my study of the desteni material is that the most extraordinary path we can walk for ourselves is the path to our own self direction through our own self will in self honesty one and equal with the physical, that is where our power is and that is where we are, we are physical beings, but have to emerge as such because we separated ourselves from it a long time ago through our minds and energy addiction. Join us through following and starting your own journey to life blog, and through our living actions in correcting ourselves to align with life, we will truly give ourselves the gift of life.

Friday, September 6, 2013

What does the act of war say about us as a human civilization? - Day 343

It says a lot in how this life lives amongst each other, and that is that we don't know who we are, we are lost within ourselves, in our ideas of ourselves, our beliefs, our prejudices, our cultures, our fears, and then we ask what is it that will get us out of such a way of life as war. Obviously it is to stop such ideas, beliefs, prejudices, cultures, fears and come to agreements that can be lived by all for real in this physical reality. It has come to a point where we as a civilization are seeing war everywhere, on our lands, towards our people, towards our children, they are being gassed, blown up, shot at, shot through, poisoned, raped, murder, defiled, mutilated, enslaved, suffering, hungry, sick, thirsty, we are seeing it in our oceans, where fish and marine life are washing up by the thousands dead, we are seeing it in our forest and in nature where acres of old ancient trees and forest life are cut down for consumerism, we are seeing it to everyday living where millions of bees are found dead, hundreds of thousands of birds are falling out of the sky dead, and we ask why is this happening, why is so much atrocious things happening in our world?

But we know why this is so, we see the results of our actions, we see what is driving this to continue, money, profit, business, capitalism, competition, greed, desire, all human induced and perpetuated, and so to stop this crimes against life and change it, we know that we as humanity have to stop and become the solution. This is stopping the war within ourselves, the competition with others, the living only to survive, stopping our thoughts from going into warring on others, and so we have to stop ourselves as war machines and become stable and able to direct ourselves in what will be best for all.

See we have been mind controlled through years of media propaganda of this 'idea' that there are enemies out there, and threats against 'our' country, but who are we really fearing, we have created this fear through the belief that there are others out there who are different then you and out to get you. But we realize that we are all the same, each person doesn't want to die, doesn't want to get gased or blown up, doesn't want war in their town or living place, we all eat, we all drink, we all sleep, and this is what is real. All other points that are allowed to continue are based on someone gaining while many lose, there is much that needs to be assessed and realigned as this has been going on for centuries, but if we keep it real, what is true, and bring life to equilibrium among all that live, then we can end war.

And those with the most will have the highest responsibility for change and bringing about solutions that will facilitate peace and equal life among all because we, those who have the most, have allowed ourselves to ignore the plight of others around us, ignored the pictures of death, suffering, murder, ignored our pockets getting bigger while others are pushed further into poverty and homelessness. We have ignored what is real, what matters, and this if not corrected within each one, their relationship to what is real, to what matters, and that is the life within each one that exist on this planet, then this life will be taken from us because we did not give to another as we wanted for ourselves. This is self evident and obvious because we can see within ourselves that we want life, we want this breath that gives us life each moment, but if we don't exist within a world where each one have this right to life as a space and support to live and breath each day without any point of struggle as this is not what one would want for oneself, then how can we expect this life, this breath to be continually given to self.

Each one know the truth within themselves, who you are and where you stand, and this is how it will be and should be, we are not owners of this planet earth, we are inhabitants, our mother the earth and our father the sky gives us life here unconditionally, we in return are asked to give to all as how we have been given, give equally, give all support, give all life that is the right of all that exist, and stop war. If war and it's propagating machines do not end, it will end us, it's common sense and evident in all avenues of our way of life today.

There are people that care, that are here, that are walking this process as giving as we would like to receive and are on the cutting edge to the solutions that will bring about life for all that is best, if you are interested and looking to support solutions that will end war and bring about a world where all are considered and all respected, check out the links below and support these initiatives to change. Support life as this is supporting yourself equal and one until it is done and life on earth is restored to it's natural order and balance.

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DAWN - Democracy Aganist War Now Site - Cast Your Vote

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Equal Life Foundation - Site
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Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
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Monday, September 2, 2013

Communication - Why do I Suck at it? - Part 1 - Day 342

Here I am looking at the gift of being able to sound words and communicate with others that we as human beings have. Within myself I have always taken this action (as well as many other actions of the physical) for granted, like I have always assumed that it's always going to be here and I will always be able to use this as needed. Unfortunately, this is not the case, I could at some point lose this ability to speak, and so it's important that I use this gift to the best of my ability while I am able to.

Now with speaking I have found that throughout my life I have been a person who has not been vocal meaning I was quite shy and did not often share myself with others, I actually was quite physical, so I more enjoyed actually physically moving and expressing myself through movement rather then speaking to people. So I have developed a sense of imbalance within myself because I have not effectively allowed myself to develop the proper time and understanding on how to communicate with others as I more was introverted and figured things out on my own through learning through myself and learning as I go, not necessarily wanting or needing others to get involved.

So an obvious dimension within the above mentioned is fear, I have feared judgment from others and feared being seen or thought of in a bad way, and so I would shelter myself from this and not become vulnerable within opening up and so communicating with others. I also found only recently through applying the desteni tools of actually how we mirror ourselves within all the people we communicate with, and how in fact I was judging other people and creating limitations for me in my communication because in my head I was critiquing everyone else. This also was exemplified when I was teased in school by others and so I had many memories and such attached of abuse from others that I took personally, which eventually created a resistance to people all together. So within the next blogs, I want to break down this character of being shy, fearing people/communicating, judging others/myself when speaking, and forgive all the dimensions within that I am able to and give myself some practical self corrective direction. This to practice to become an effective communicator and simply communicate as an equal here as the physical instead of in the mind within all sorts of energies and thought processes that comes up now when I speak.

I have recently experienced this point of having to speak in a group, and I noticed when it was my turn to speak, I had a backchat thought within me that said 'I may screw up my words or get stuck' (fear), so here a fear of having a point where I am not clear in my words and so fear that point of awkwardness coming up within others, and so fearing what they think of me. When I am speaking, I find if there is a moment where I am uncertain or have any kind of doubt in what I am saying, immediately at this moment a rush of energy comes up moving very fast coming from my lower abdomen all the way up into my head, like shoots up, and it's a specific energy feeling, it makes me feel chocked, like my throat and chest is closing up. When I feel this energy, I immediately associate through thoughts and memories of me being a screw up and being inferior to others and so through this have easily in the past given into this energy of a 'failure' feeling energy, and then let it get to me, and then manifest my fears as making the conversation awkward and being uncomfortable.

Also, another point that I found that recently I noticed effects me is my face will turn red, and this is also part of the energy that shoots up from my abdomen and I will become very hot and my face will then burn and I think 'oh shit now my face is red and these people know I am uncomfortable'. So caring what the other thinks of me. I found it will turn red depending on how uncertain I am within what I am saying, so this a cool indicator I have found to show that I am not actually speaking words I have lived and can share through experience, but am speaking mind stuff through trying to prove something or hide something or telling knowledge and information that I know little about. And thus I have to practice walking the words I speak, living them, and so being authentic in myself and my words to thus become a living being that is authentic and true as self in what I speak and live.

So there is many different points within this point of me and communication, that I will be opening up, and re-defining myself within and as, and so give myself direction on how to practically live these words in my life through clearing them and redefining them in what they mean in physical reality and how I am going to live them. So more to come for sure. Thanks for reading.