A Lady's Journey to Life: Seeing life as Boring

Please reference this blog for further perspective on this point:
"Mind Give Me Joy" - Day 344

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see life as boring.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see my experiences within my mind as exciting and interesting.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see my mind images as smoking weed and then going and doing a physical activity as fun.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the thought that 'doing physical things is much more fun high'.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought that 'i have much more interesting and insightful realizations when i am high'.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see being high as a way to connect with life more, with people more, and be more intelligent.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire weed when i am reading and researching things as I believe that I gain more out of what I am reading due to being high and on weed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to smoke weed when i am in the bathtub because i had a belief that being high makes me more relaxed.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe these acceptances about weed as helping me more then if I was not on them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind as images of memories of being high in the past and seeing how enjoyable it was as i remember how I experienced myself connecting to nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that those memories of moments that I apparently was connecting to nature where in fact real, when I realize that I indeed did not connect to nature because I couldn't communicate with it and physical see beyond the usual of what I always see.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that life with out weed is boring.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe life without any drug to get me high such as pills, hash, e, mushrooms, alcohol that I will not experience life in a different way and a heightened way because I have a belief that all i am is the way i see myself within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only imagine life through my mind, what it's like and what is possible without taking the physical steps to move myself, transcend my mind through these points of desire, and walk the self perfection process breath by breath until it is done.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fall into the belief that life is through thinking and memories and substances outside myself to enjoy it and experience myself as more.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to experience myself more then who I am here in each moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe me here living breath by breath is not enough, is not stimulating enough, and thus always go into energy as desire and fulfillment through outside sources.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see those who smoke weed and do drugs as a cool group, and those who don't are missing out.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that not doing drugs is missing out on life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to fulfill my desires within my mind to receive excitement within fulfilling them through outside sources.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only consider myself and my wants within the desires to fulfill my excitement instead of the life i am effecting such as the physical body with weed and it's effect on my lungs.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not care about the consequences in my mind dimensions as well as on my physical body of doing drugs and seeking pleasure through desires and pushing myself to fulfill them in an addiction personality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only care about getting high and having fun and enjoying myself in my mind as thoughts and imaginations and fantasy scenarios rather then the physical environment i am effecting and my physical itself I am abusing.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to make my mind god as the excitement, fun, good, pleasure fulfilled and the physical what is real as the boring, avoidable, undesirable based on seeking energy through my mind as experiences of feelings as stimulation in thinking and fantasizing about what could be, or imagining what i'll be like in the future.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to become addicted to my own self interest in seeking instant gratification through outside influences through the mind as energy rather then walking the physical process here, breath by breath in my living, and accumulating my living to be real, substantial, and what is best aligned with all life equal to self and who I am in my living.

When and as I see myself go into my mind to seek any point of self interested outside source for my pleasure or stimulation through energy addictions such as drugs, or sex, or food, or sleeping, I stop and breath, and realize that going to do something or be something to get a high, I am existing within the mind as a polarity of the physical, making the physical and the mind in competition and comparing it, rather then living here in my physical and directing myself within and as my living each and every breath with no need, want, or desire directing me, i direct me here in what I self will within my own common sense assessment and decision in each moment. I realize that life is not boring but here living and changing but stable in each moment, life is everything and thus is not able to be defined and categorized but is simply who I am in each moment.

I commit myself to breath through all desires that come up to do something or have something that is based on a point of seeking fulfillment within the mind as an addiction.

I commit myself to move myself within each moment to substantiate my life through actually living and expanding myself within my own self application, my own learning, my own doing, and become aware here in each moment.

I commit to walk breath by breath and use my physical movement to become aware of all that is here in each moment, connecting to my environment, and letting go of the need of fulfillment outside myself and see myself already fulfilled here.