Showing posts with label changing my life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label changing my life. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Osho Card Support - Ending the Cycle of Self Abuse through Doing it - Day 425





Tonight I did an osho card reading, and the overall point I took from it was that at this time I have the potential to transcend my sorrow from my past, the suffering I have created in my life, and in this here moment expand my creation process through principles into something not only better for myself, but better for the whole of this world. I obviously see the correlation as within Desteni this is our primary focus, changing ourselves from within to what is best for all to then be able to change the outer in the best way possible as we have proven to ourselves through actually living it. I often times think about how much of my life is a struggle and how much of what I struggle with feels overwhelming and out of my reach to handle. But within this I am not in fact actually facing the real problem or pushing myself enough in each moment to do what is necessary to stop the struggle and overwhelmingness because as I realize I am creating this myself and so I have to then create the solution through my own will, there is nothing or no one else that can do this for me, I have realized this, if I don't move, my process does not move and so becomes stagnant.

A lot of the times, I am not so stable within my application because I am still accepting and allowing my back chat which is the nasty speaking of myself in the back of my mind to control and have power over me, and so diminish my effectiveness in who I can really be in this life. I can easily brush aside my need for particpation and become distracted with a whole area of things that we have created to distract ourselves with in this reality. But within dismissing and distracting myself from these backchat dimensions, I am missing the opportunity within this life to create myself new, to change myself, and let go of that which is not supporting me. To substantiate myself and so my life I have to create this for myself, there is no one else but me within this physical body and I as all have equally the ability to change our patterns that are not working for what is best for all and create solutions to then so create life.

I am focusing currently on one point and this is whenever within my mind I am hearing or seeing an experience come up of judging myself in any way, I immediately breath and stop it in awareness deliberately, and move myself within the physical in full participation meaning completely aware of directing myself to stop. I am pushing this until I am satisfied that I have proven to myself that I can stop in a moment through my own directive will. I have accepted and allowed myself to get discouraged or get overwhelmed and fall into energy in the past, and so stop my active participation in my process to really substantiate myself in the decision I have made to stop my self judgment character and become aware of my actions in the physical. Theses are cyclical points that I see I am falling into at the critical moments, so I am dedicating myself here to continue walking this process of stopping and changing in the here moment, and creating myself to be self directive by walking this process creation of myself step by step and breath by breath until it is done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up in the difficult moments within walking a point of stopping my mind participation such as stopping my backchat and so I realize that substantiating myself in the decision I live that is aligned with life and living this decision into the physical is how to get this done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the mind in what it is bringing up about me such as that I am less then others or greater then, and so give up in the moments where the energy becomes intense and I am feeling overwhelmed, I realize that this is the critical creation point of myself in moving beyond the mind limitation and self enslavement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not move through the resistances to continue and push myself in this process, and so I see that within this not pushing I have diminished my potential that is here in each moment, and I realize to re-substantiate this again I have to stand and push myself when I want to give up or give in, otherwise i will continue to exist as the mind cause i am not changing myself in this critical moments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I don’t have what it takes to move beyond my limitations and it’s just too much, when I realize, see, and understand that this process is able to be walked within a breath by breath living, no past no future, just here directing in the moment and moving myself in a process of substantiations through my living participation and building self awareness.

When and as I see I am going into a point of wanting to fall or give in to the experiences within myself, I stop and breath, and realize that these moments of extreme experiences are the crucial moments to move through and substantiate myself within because I realize I am reaching the limits to my mind consciousness system and to move beyond that will be a push because I have to create it and it's also unknown, but moving beyond limitation and the unknown resistances is who I decide to be.

I commit myself to stop my backchat in each moment I see it come up within myself through breath and physical self awareness participation of stopping.

I commit myself to stop judging myself for who I have become and what I have created, let that go, and create from a point of awareness here within an expression of equality and oneness that life is here and we only have to create it within ourselves in who we are to live it.

I commit myself to live the correction within the moments that are here to be walked by moving through resistances and facing and transcending my fears by living them and changing myself within them to understand the point and so create a new reality in self direction.


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Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Day 172 - Resistance to Change - Fear of Being Alone




I fear being alone based on this inherent belief that I can not make it on my own, and thus using this as a dependency and reliance on others to help me, so I don’t have to take full responsibility for myself and really commit to the absolute change that I am walking for life. If i am not able to take full responsibility for myself, how can I expect myself to really change and how can I ask others to do the same, if I am not willing or am to afraid to take that leap and push myself to really change absolutely. I will not be able to be taking for real, and will be seen by others as untrustworthy, which is not a position I want for myself. To stop this self diminishment point of being a hypocrite, and to transcend the fear of being alone, I have to prove to myself that I am able to do anything that I put myself into. I have proven this within things I enjoy and am ‘good’ at, but now it’s to prove with things that I ‘fear’ and see myself as ‘inadequate’ at. It will take time to get to this stability point, but I realize every step and every decision I make that will create the outcome of what is best for all, is walking one step closer to transcending this fear and letting go of the power the fear has on me. Here will walk self forgiveness and self correction on this fear of being alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the fear of being alone in where I am suppressing the fact that I actually have to push myself in what I see that I am not ‘good’ at to stand up on my own and make my own way to self stability without the help or dependence on others, and to also prove to myself that I can do it or gave myself the chance to try. I realize that when I exist within this idea that l am not good enough and thus accept the fear that I will not be able to succeed at something, I will go into a self suppression and not express myself fully.

I commit myself to when and as I go into this idea of myself of a negative outlook on myself where I will hesitate or stop participating fully in what it is I am doing, I stop and breath, and push myself to not be directed by those thoughts, doing the action that i feared doing so I can prove that I can direct myself and stop the illusion that I am am not able to do it without the physical action of trying to prove that I can or can't.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone based on believing that I don’t have what it takes to exist on my own and be able to become stable on my own as all I have ever known is the support and assistance of others helping me along. I realize that within this I am really taking advantage of others help as I know that I don’t really have to go for it and put myself out there because I will have always a support within others.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself go into this fear and thus use others supports as a means to get out of my own self responsibility to move myself, I stop and breath, and push myself to walk the necessary steps I realize I have to take in the physical to be self supportive. Using common sense assessment, and not allowing myself to use others support to halt my own self movement as I stop the fear from directing me and push myself in the phsyical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into the pattern of believing that I need support from others or I will not be able to get where I want to be without the support from others, and to a degree this is true, but realizing and being self honest within the line of where I need to stand up and support myself, stopping my fear of speaking out and being out there alone, so pushing myself in my physical movement to being here stable in who I am and being able to stand up and behind what I find to be true by living this in my own self living through means of my own doing to self supportive clarity within the principles I live as.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am going to fall into the pattern of accepting others support and assistance, I do not accept myself to fall into this within a self compromising way, I push myself to stand up and do not allow others to take advantage of me or me take advantage of others, so I can be stable and stand in the face of adversity and realize who I will be and know where I will stand to be clear and be able to support in reality in what will be best for all and let go of all self interest for my own gains.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear change and fear standing alone as I fear being seen by others as not able and not good as this is how i believe others see me, so thus I realize that stopping these beliefs and thoughts of how others see me, I can thus walk the correction by standing within what I have self realized and the principles that are solid as oneness and equality of all life, and walk the correction of this world as I walk the correction within myself.

I commit myself to when and as I allow these beliefs that I will be seen and thought of by others as not good or a failure, I stop and breath, and realize this is not real as it’s only coming from within my mind, I realize I have the ability to learn and perfect myself within my living as this I know will be a step by step process. So I practice patience with myself and walk my process breathing and moving myself each day, so I accumulate a new being as myself that is able to stand within the face of this world as the mind, and be the solution, I walk until the solution as myself as this world is here through walking and living self forgiveness within self honesty to self change in perfection of living.


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