Friday, July 5, 2013

Clean Room High - Day 324

Today I cleaned my room, it was quite dirty because it’s been raining here on the farm for the past few days, so my shoes have been all muddy, tracking it in to the room. Also, there is dust build up and spider webs and clothes and junk just collecting all over tables and chairs and closet doors, so it has become a mess. When my room is messy I have a point of anxiety within me because of the point of losing control within this and allowing it to get so messy that things will permanently stay this way, like getting a stain on the floor or ruining linens or something like that, whether or not this actually is the case is irrelevant, but I think about it and thus the anxiety grows. So we have a visitor coming tomorrow, Dan, we cleaned his room as well, this inspiring me to get my butt in gear and clean mine. I found this awesome little vacuum cleaner that works very well, and so I went to town in Dan’s room and then in mine, being extremely meticulous and thorough, and the results show. Also, the mopping was easy pezy because the vacuum was done properly, which is very practical.

Now that my room is clean and very organized, there is this air about me when I come in, like all is right in the world, of course this is not true, but in my little bubble world it is so. I enjoy very much cleanliness and having things organized and orderly. To get to this point is not always easy though of having things clean, but I find putting in the effort, and working hard always pays off with satisfactory results.
But the point I am going to do self forgiveness on is the point of creating an energy relationship to having a clean room and feeling lighter when I walk in here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship of relief when I enter my room after cleaning it and feel ok and good within myself, this I see is a point of positive polarity to the negative points I am feeling in my world and having like a point of lightness to seeing a clean room, but really it’s an energy movement of satisfaction because it changes my expression. I realize in reality a room is just a room and cleaning is a point of enjoying through living in each breath while cleaning, it’s not a rush as I walk in the room, but an expression as me here living it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use cleaning as an escape to not have to face the points within me that I am facing of anxiety and for a moment have a serenity to go into and not have so much anxiety, but this is just a point of suppression and not dealing with the points that will continue to be here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide within myself and my actions deceiving me in using a clean room for instance in a point to make me feel good because I am existing within my world in the opposite as fear and worry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within fear and worry due to unknown events that will come my way and thus fear failure and rejection within this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear rejection and failure because I have defined myself as useless if this is what happens.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself in relation to failure and rejection as useless and feel bad about myself in judgment rather then seeing the point that did not work and walk next time to correct the point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss the point of the opportunity to physical correct myself within the gifts that are mistakes or failures or rejections, to use these to my benefit and change the point that did not work to work for me, if this did not occur the failure for instance, I would be much more difficult to know what to do otherwise.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and be within my mind as polarities of good or bad and miss reality here, where I have the opportunity to live the change that is necessary if I would stop existing in illusion and see reality for what it is, not defined and thus a point of my own creation and will if I direct it as such.

When and as I see myself go into a point of escape and relief due to the external reality, I stop and breath, and I realize that this is due to a point of self sabotage and that I do not have to continue living in such a way, but can live in practical support within what reality is showing me and make the necessary changes accordingly. I will have to check within me whether I am suppressing a point or not facing something to ensure that I am not deceiving myself and able to stand clear in reality and make the necessary changes or directions that will be best.

I commit myself to let go of the desire to always have things clean and thus also stop judging things that are dirty, and simply clean when it is time to clean and enjoy myself within it as an expression of my living.

I commit myself to flag point and write about the points that I am not facing and trying to avoid such as fear and worry through escaping such with cleaning, and walk the necessary steps to clear this and stand stable in reality.

I commit myself to see failure and rejection as an opportunity for learning and stop the judgments as I stop the past from influencing me by stopping the memories from directing me.

I commit myself to correct myself in my living when I have seen that I have fallen or missed a point of what will be best in my life to walk and thus what will be best for the world, always considering and aligning these points the best I can.

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