A Lady's Journey to Life: Irritation and Impatience Self Support

Here I have been walking irritation and impatience for most of my process, and I have realized that within participating in such outflows of my behavior towards others, it's based on an accumulated amount of backchat thoughts or thought patterns that are in the form of blame and self victimization to stand as an artillery type defense to in the end justify the behavior I lived out in becoming irritated and impatient towards another. Usually this comes in the form of speaking loudly, yelling, and being battle like in my words, trying to win and defeat the other, but this I have found only defeats myself as I lose self trust and self integrity within who I really am as life one and equal with all others here and thus my opportunity to change the life of another as well as myself in a growth and expansion that will be beneficial and support a better outcome.

Now, I had a chat with a fellow destonian and she suggested to use the point of irritation as a point to cross-reference where I am at in terms of my walking this point of stopping it and becoming the directive principle in these moments to do what is best for all. So I have been looking at this and practicing it, and I am seeing that I have made progress, but I still go into irritation often. I find the backchat is usually based on an accumulation of pictures in my mind where I blame the other from past moments I judged them for, and made me right. So it's a point of self interest, desiring to be able to get my own way and have others bend at my whim so I can have the desired experience I was going for using the mind as assuming and only certain moments considered to thus be only advantageous to me being right and me getting my way.

A dimension of self forgiveness and self correction I will walk is this point of going into the past and making past moments part of my decision making in the here moment, and thus replaying the past over and over again in this here moment causing conflict, separation, and more conflict.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bring the past in moments of memory as pictures I have stored in my mind where I judge another as wrong and me as right, and held this assumption/particular moments only as absolute truth and then bring it here to be used by myself in self interest to justify my action of irritation and impatiences toward this other, and so accentuate conflict and separation rather then seeing the other as my equal, letting go of the past as it's not here and thus not reality, and walking as a point of solution in directive will in what is best for all as I would want to have done for me, and so be a living example to all that I touch throughout my day and life as this is all that really matters.

When and as I see that I am going into a point of justification through memories and pictures from my past of another in only certain moments or considerations to make me right and the other wrong, I stop and breath, and realize that this will only cause more conflict with the other and thus create more conflict within me and my living, and so more abuse and separation to be sorted which is not necessary and unacceptable.

I commit myself to walk the point of breathing through the reaction to go into my mind and bring up the past the moment I see the energy activating as irritation and the mind go to view the artillery I will need to justify my abuse, and do not participate within these pictures as I bring myself back here in the physical body as breath and release this energy through breathing and earthing it back to it's source through my feet into the earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am is more 'right' then other people, and so live from this starting point in separation with the physical reality and the physical facts of the matter in the realization that we are all here and we are all equal as life, and so I forgive myself that I haven't yet accepted and allowed myself to direct myself in self will as the directive principle of equality and oneness of all life as self to walk solutions with others in moments where I am seeing that there is a point of potential conflict, through my own words and living actions and support the other as I would myself to come to solutions in what ever would be best to resolve the situation and so stop conflict from manifesting and thus stopping encouraging it.

When and as I see that I am going into a point of self righteousness and not considering the other in equality and oneness, I stop and breath, and realize that I am compromising the opportunity for self growth and expansion with another that could/may develop within sharing myself in integrity and support and supporting the situation to come to a solution that will be best through me becoming stable and not reacting, and so bringing forth life and not separation in the moment that opened up to bring this forth.

I commit myself to when I see that I am going into a point of self righteousness, realize and immediately stop and see what it is I am doing so I can stop the line of thought that will trigger the desire to win and direct myself in the outcome that will be best through self honest practical considerations.

I commit myself to walk the point of bringing myself back to my physical through breathing and dedicating myself to my decision and commitment to walk with others in equality, finding solutions, and supporting others in the best way I am able to as I would want for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become more interested in my own self desires/wants/needs then that of considering the other I am in the moment living with, who they are or where they are in their life, but only desire to have my interests met and me win and me be right, and thus create an immediate conflict with the other due to not living the equality principle and disregarding them through become reactive as impatient and irritated and thus creating abuse as my starting point and living out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in such a way where I deliberately abuse others for my own self interest and to have my desires met, and so not consider the other equal to myself but make my considerations, desires, wants, and needs more important when I realize that they are not in fact real what is real is the life I am here with and considering them as how I would want to be consider always.

When and as I go into a point of desire, want, need, and not consider the other as my equal, I stop and breath, and realize this will lead to abuse and self compromise, which I no longer accept and allow of myself. I realize that these desires, wants, and needs come from my mind as made up scenarios not based on facts, but based on pictures and memories and judgments I have made and accumulated within me to use to get what I want and make the other less then me to get this want or desire met for myself. I also realize that I must stop these mind illusions and bring myself back to what is real, my physical body, my breath, and what is physically happening in fact in my world always considering all parts equal and one to how I would consider myself.

I commit myself to walk the point of bring myself back to the physical through breath whenever I see a movement within me to react to another in self interest and not in consideration of the other equal to myself.

I commit myself to stop my point of self interest wants, needs, and desires and walk the equality equation finding the solution that will benefit both or all involved respecting and honoring all parts of this reality equal and one to how I would like to be treated myself.

I commit myself to stop all mind reactions through letting them go through self forgiveness and self corrective living and use the living of patience as myself through walking what is best for all no matter how long it takes and what I have to give to receive this outcome because I realize that what is best for all is best for me and so it's common sense to do so.

I commit myself to live common sense and live words as me in the directive purpose of what the words mean in physical reality through walking the process of redefining each and every word I would like to live with myself and with others until I am here and live direct with myself as this physical reality, aligned to life one and equal in what is best in all ways through the words I speak equal and one to how I live them, so it's clear and always understood by all.

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