Day 222 – Sports and Me Self Commitments to Live

I commit myself to when and as I go into a point of competition in where I see that I am more skilled within what I am doing with others I stop and breath, and do not participate until I am stable and just physically moving, doing the activity, in being aware of my movements and stopping all points of going into my ego in trying to be better or see myself as better.

I commit to stop these actions through stopping the thought patterns of going into comparison and walking in equality by living in my living equal to others through my words and actions.

I commit myself to let go of this idea that I have to win to be worthy, when and as this idea comes up, I let it go and breath through the reactions to follow it, I move myself physically and speak that I do nt accept this view any longer, I am equal, life is here.

I commit myself to move in the physical as the physical in self enjoyment, letting go and breathing through the desire to compete based on trying to win, I let go of this desire to win and allow myself to just be here in my body and move as me as the physical.

I commit to stop defining myself by if I win or lose in sports, and walk the point of the physical activity, the physical movement, to circulate my body and give it exercise for it to be balanced.

I commit myself to walk the point of equalizing myself within my living through stopping these points of definition from competition, when and as I see I am going into a competitive nature towards a point in my world, I let it go and walk the common sense to equalize myself with what it is I was trying to compete with, to change my pattern and thus live the change until it’s here as me.

I commit myself to stop all ideas and definitions of me being worthy and more then others based in my participation in sports, I breath and stop this participation through not accepting myself to live out these patterns and change my living to stop competing and start living with others equally, sharing and enjoying our company together.

I commit myself to let go of the desire to show off and let others know my skill creating an inequality and separation within our interactions, so when this desire come up, I stop and breath, and move myself to let go it and stop my participation in the belief that it is real, I move myself and do physical things to realize reality in these moments of desire.

I commit myself to let go of competition and walk the physical here in reality, living equality and love of all as I would myself in helping and sharing with others, and stopping my insecurities through stopping this point of making others feel bad about themselves to make me feel better, when I see I am walking into this pattern, I stop and go to another point away from the situation and breath through the point, I commit to stop my reaction in these moments of insecurity and comparison, and walk the change.

I commit myself to accept myself so I can accept others through being gentle with myself, allowing me to make mistakes, and being humble with how I am and how I live, stopping my desire to be more, and accept me as I am in each moment already.

I commit myself to when and as I see any point of bullying or being mean spiteful to another to make myself feel more superior and empowered, I stop and breath, and immediately stop my participation not accepting myself to live this, changing when I am aware, and never looking back, but living this change of being humble and supporting others.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
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Day 221 – Sports and Me Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as better then others within life because in sports I was able to compete with others and beat them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself through winning in a game and thus basing others from this view of myself in my mind as a winner, tough, and worthy at something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not worthy and not as good as others if in sports I lose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my value based on sports competition and if I was able to succeed within it or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create feelings of entitlement around others whom know of me and my abiity to compete, and thus if I see that they are not able to compete with me, passively make them understand this point that I am better then them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create the need to show others i am better then them due to seeing myself within myself and reality actually less then them. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to defame who I am based on a belief within myself that inherinatly I am not good really at much, I am damaged, and thus create this need in my world to prove myself as good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bully and make those I saw as weak feel bad about themselves as within me I gained a form of empowerment, but this was not real I realize as this was based on the idea and belief that I was not empowered but needed others misery to make me feel better about me because then I wasn't alone in this misery. (more on this to come)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perpetuate and cause abuse to others within creating the misery I felt within me unto them because I was angry that I was not happy with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create points of deliberate meanness and spitefulness towards those that I perceived were happy with themselves and wanted to secretly be like them, but was mean and spiteful because I couldn’t ever achieve that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow jealousy of this point of happiness in others and not in myself, and so create abuse and hurt towards others because I realize I didn’t want to take responsibility for my own thoughts and partpication in seeing only desires to be the best and thus happy (open on later) and not the physical for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have the perfect life with me having the perfect look and having an easy time of making friends and being accepted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea of the perfect person in my head and then compare my living situation and what I look like to that and thus always create a point of misery within me because I couldn’t match up.

More Sf and Self Corrective Statements to come.


For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
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Desteni Wiki

Day 220 – Exploring Self Acceptance – Competition and What Money Can Buy

Looking at this point of competition, my life has always been about competition and proving myself to others, I have realized that from childhood this has been programmed within me due to my involvement in sports and the nature of the sports I played, these being highly competitive. With the added point of my having a strongdesire to prove myself as worthy to others, and so sports was the perfect place to do this. Within sports this was praise and adoration was forthcoming if one was able to prove themselves as the best within the sport that they played. I was driven from a young age to be the best based on the existence within me of perfection, I never really realized this until I started process, but within myself I wanted to be seen and acknowledged as someone who is driven and striving for perfection always and people to see that I am valuable, I can do great things, and this in my case was proven in sports.

The point I will look at here is the desire to be the best, I wanted this for myself because of my insecure nature within me as a child, when I started to realize social norms and who was considered the ‘cool’ kids within my peer group, this desire to be the best was starting to take shape. I found that I often would compare myself to the other kids within what I had and what they had, and in many instance I didn’t compare, we didn’t have a lot of money to get whatever we wanted, so I noticed this much in my childhood because many in my school had everything. So for instance, in hockey I saw that for me to be able to compete and be the best, I had to have the best equipment. I had certain particular skates, certain particular brands I liked and thought were cool, and if I didn’t have these things, then I was not able to completely be able to be the best in the sport I was playing. I not only had to be the best, but I had to look the best as well. I grew this relationship of being seen as the best was being seen as cool and to be cool in life you had to have money to get cool things, because who we are is based on what cool things we have.

So the consumerism marketing push worked quite effectively in my particular case based on how I completely defined myself by the money value of what one had rather then who one was a human being. So in hockey this was a point were I saw this point of value due to money come out, for me to feel compete within my playing, I had to have all the best equipment, I actually had like a weight lift off me once I completed this point of getting everything I wanted within my look as a hockey player, and then I was able to really go out and be comfortable in playing. I was able to compete, I was able to match up with all the other girls, and show that I am worthy, I can completely able to compete with you, and so my chances of becoming the best were much greater cause in my mind this was only achieved if I was compete within my image of what the best was, and the best always was the most expensive.

Interesting how I found myself not really playing hockey to play, but I was actually like branding myself, like my nitch growing up was sports, and my sport that I was going to brand myself with was hockey cause I did have a aspect of enjoyment and natural ability, but I used it for my own interest, I was going to use it to be seen and achieve that recognition I desired for myself as being the best in something so I could see and become ‘good enough’ at something and feel valuable, feel ok within myself, and feel like I had a place in this world, I mattered.

But realizing that none of this was real, nothing last of this as I still am facing the same points of inferiority and existing in this false picture of myself of making myself more then how I am, this that money can’t make go away, but lead me to the same end, in a point of highs and lows never stable and never fulfilled. I am not actually accepting myself and thus playing hockey because I enjoy playing, but I am playing to make myself feel better about myself and show off for others to gain acceptance to prove to myself that I am ok, I am goodenough because I am like the others who I see as also ‘the best’ and thus I can have a chance to win, I have ahope of it, this hope of course will always cost not only money but also my self. Never being actually present and self aware in what it is I was doing in physical reality, but always in my mind scheming, desiring, hoping, and planning a way to make myself more, better, and achieve this elusive title of being the best. This actually never achievable because it’s in my mind not in reality, so even if I was the best in hockey, it was never enough, I always wanted more as I was looking for myself in others, in money, and in what I was doing rather then who I was being never seeing that I was always right here living.

Will continue more tomorrow.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
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Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Day 65- Death by Competition

Competition

Re defining the word competition:

Dictionary Definition:

com·pe·ti·tion

 

noun

1.

the act of competing;  rivalry for supremacy,a prize, etc.: The competition between the twoteams was bitter.

2.

a contest for some prize, honor, oradvantage: Both girls entered the competition.

3.

the rivalry offered by a competitor: The smallmerchant gets powerful competition from the chainstores.

4.

a competitor or competitors: What is yourcompetition offering?

5.

Sociology . rivalry between two or morepersons or groups for an object desired incommon, usually resulting in a victor and aloser but not necessarily involving thedestruction of the latter.

Source: Dictionary.com

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compete with others for a prize of energy as good feeling only seeking and pushing my own self satisfaction while others lose and become defeated. I realize and see that to compete with another is competing with myself, diminishing myself, and creating abuse towards myself because the other is me and lives equal and one to how I would in that moment, not enjoying the competition and pain that is caused with the conflict that is played out within this 'game'.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into a form of possession to get my mind experience as an energy rush of good feelings or feelings of power when I beat another in winning the prize of gaining the most energy and seeing myself more then the 'loser'. I realize and see that all that this is showing me is that I am willing to abuse others and diminish others so I can gain a 'prize' = energy, but within this I gain nothing as I have done it in spite and lost any point of self worth as I have not given equal worth to the other who is in fact me as we are life, but caused them to suffer and causing me to become closer to ceasing to exist as energy dies and life as a competitor ends as the energy I have become will run out = eventually at death.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to spite life and those who are here within and as my self judgement of defining life in terms of competition were I fight to live and based on this acceptance of creating and causing conflict to get an experience as winning as is competing I spite myself as I am the one who will lose as I created the lose when I went into separation towards the other and accepted myself to walk life in ignorance. I realize and see that within this I am not really doing or creating anything that is of use to me as life but becoming a demon within myself as my mind direct me to only seek my own pleasure while others lay in suffering and I walk over them like trash.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be ignorant towards the suffering and abuse of others I am participating in when I participate in the action of competition. I realize and see that life is not in need of competition and abuse, but only the mind walks this as ego as myself as I accept to have my desires met over others well being in equality to me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not consider the well being of another when I go into competition but seek only for my self interest desires to win and get nice feelings within. I realize and understand that I must stop the completion and desire to win and walk equal with all if I want to live in true peace and freedom and become life in the physical as this is only walked within the stopping of abuse and separation of self and walking one and equal with all life for real. 

I commit to stop competition and desire to win, and stand here within and as life as me and walk with side by side in unconditional support and give to another what I would life given to me.

I commit myself to check the ego at the door and not accept and allow myself to go into desires to win by stopping the addiction to power.

I commit to stop all points of separation with others and walk the solution that will be best for all by walking the process to equalize myself with all who is life here. 

Re-defining Competition to live best for all:

Use a point of competition in a giving way were one realize who will be best within a task to support a world that is best for all, this also can be seen within systems that support life in finding the best possible outcome for life in equality and oneness in what is best for all life using a form of competition as measurement to see in reality who will be best suited for the position in all points of equality in all ways.