Back chat of winning, spite, and reflection of self dishonesty through Annoyance - Day 20

 Hi, I am working through my mind after a significant 'fall' where i had to face some reality consequences that made me realize the requirement of movement that is needed in the process from birthing from the energy of the mind reality as illusion into and as the living reality as self creation through living/action in words as self forgiveness and self correction - for more on some insight into this point and where it came through check out this chat - 1. Saturday 19th May 2012 - Desteni Forum 

When I am annoyed I see that i have some memories in me, mainly toward my sister whom i work with and spend a lot of time with, we are in a setting that is fast paced and i am her manager, so in this environment there are certain common sense expectations that are required. But for me i see my memories are of backchat of becoming angry that she is not listening to my 'direction' and not following the 'rules'. I have justified this anger/annoyance within a point of self righteousness and believing i am stronger and better at my job then her, which in turn in my mind as backchat make me think that i am thus able to bully her to a point where it makes her move quicker, do what i want, so this point of belief 'i am better at my job, she is so slow', creates in me my self justification to push her outside of proper guidelines and limitations and make it emotional where one is wrong/bad and the other is right/better. 

This cause in her an imbalance in the work day without a clear direction of her environment directives, but she is more on guard and thus more in her mind, self compromise, based on the bi-polar nature of myself becoming annoyed/emotional when a mistake is made or point not understood in its best potential. This stems from my ego, believing that cause i am at this skill of being on task and timely to a degree of efficiency for the office setting, i am thus able to diminish another who can't keep up.

This does not say anything about either one in terms of self definition and self creation, but it does say within me that i am being spiteful and evil in my interactions with another in my environment who is my equal, is me in another life, and thus is what should be valued before anything else, the equality and oneness of each one. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see person x as a being that i can bully and push around cause i am stronger and thus able to as the capabilities are at my advantage and i am more able to stay stable, and thus i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the backchat that this being is weak and thus able to be pushed to extremes due to my desire to be right/get my creation in place thus control the outcome and creating a way where i get what i want.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into a point of self righteousness where i allow and accept thoughts as 'i am so much stronger and smarter then her' 'she is so dump' 'she is so slow' 'she is losing us money' 'she doesn't listen to me' 'she is trying to ruin my leadership abilities and direction' and 'i can't stand her, she doesn't obey'. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become annoyed at another for there life and living reality in this moment equal and one to me as this moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge the other where in i see the other as my enemy/competition, instead of seeing it as me and that i require to walk in the others shoes to find out where and how can i support them equal to how i would want to be supported and live in a way that is best for all. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am within and as a point of self defeat when another in my reality doesn't walk my expectation and so i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to control and force another into my will and direction in a way of force and degrading.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be better/stronger cause within my backchat i am speaking things that are not real, and are harmful which is evil, which is not best for all life my commitment and principle of living this life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to instead of standing as an equal to the other and supporting them to be the best they can be, i stand as a point of harm and degrading where i am gaining superiority over her and feeling more powerful and in control through the feeling of success and victory when in reality i am destroying and diminishing something i would not do to myself and not want done unto me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace the other as myself and understand within the interaction what can we do to support each other within a point of self care and self support where both the environments are made to bring through the best for each other and what make practical common sense to allow both the opportunity to become stable and get the work done that needs done in a timely way.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the backchat of judgment thoughts toward other and self glorifying thoughts toward myself for being strong. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed my ego as self interest be my driving force in the work place towards others instead of sitting in there shoes and finding solutions that will ensure all are cared for and all have the ability to be the best the can for the position they are in where things are clear and understood to the best of my ability to get it lived out into completion.

I commit myself to live the words self discipline within stopping my back chat about winning and being better, breathing, and not allowing thoughts of judgment or any thoughts of harm. 

I commit myself to flag point annoyance when or if it comes up showing to myself that i have fallen in self interest and trying to win.

I commit myself to recognize that i am going into ego as a point of self righteousness self glorification, because i am not in control of myself and feel inferior.

I commit myself to embrace the other as myself with love, care, gentleness, and clear direction of common sense as i would myself. I commit myself to use breathing and releasing the energy through physical activity and breathing to no longer direct myself with energy as mind in thoughts and shooting/harm/self glorification, but real living that is an equal and one support for all as i'd like for myself. 

More self support at:

www.desteni.org

www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

Opening Up the Mind Construct of Impatience – Day 462

One thing I am noticing recently about myself is the lack of patience I have which I have written about before, though it is still here. I am mostly noticing this within my day to day living such as becoming annoyed at someone driving slow in front of me, my dog barking at a neighbor, my dog sniffing a spot for too much time, the birds chirping outside my window, my pillows not being positioned in a way I am most comfortable, my room being too small, and the list could go on if I include my irritation toward the people in my world at times, I mean I go into annoyance often enough where I am now writing a blog about it and correcting it once and for all. Obviously walking my process from consciousness to self awareness, I am investigating all things and keeping that which is good, and the fact that I am creating a source of conflict within myself toward the my external reality through living out the act of impatience by shouting or speaking fast or becoming rude or not considering another equal to myself is showing that there is a point of self interest I am accessing, and so not adhering to the principle of prevention is the best cure as well as accepting all here as self, which is in fact what is real as all life is equal and one.

Now, this is a point I am writing about because I am still showing that I am being dictated by irritation and this steaming from my lack of patience’s with my world and so this external impatience mirroring the internal impatience I have with myself. I see in a way where these impatience actions outflowing into irritation is steaming from ideas/beliefs/desires/fears that I have created within my mind and projected it onto reality, so within this I am living from the alternate reality through my mind as my fears/desires/ideas/beliefs instead of moving with the pace of breath, here.

I have an example, which I can better explain what here as breath means, I take henri my dog on walks, and we go down paths with big trees, henri likes to run ahead and sniff around and explore the woods around us. I had the idea to hide behind a tree to see what henri would do, and I found I could not stand behind the tree for more then 15 seconds because I went into the emotion of feeling guilty based on his reaction of alertness and wonderment of where I was. I assumed within him he is going into fear, so I pop out behind the tree and he sees me and turns around and continues to do the exact same thing he was doing before he noticed I had disappeared. So here is an example of ‘being here’, Henri was living within the present (here) moment, where we are walking and he is sniffing, he looks back and sees I am not there and based on the reality of his situation, I am no where to be seen, he goes into an alertness where his ears perk out and he goes stiff to be able to listen intently. He does not do what I did in that moment, which is react in emotion, he goes into his physical body and uses his resources to solve the problem, making for much more efficiency in his resources within himself and not creating extra ‘baggage’ so to speak with going into the alternate dimensions of for example thoughts such as “she left me, does she not love me anymore?” “oh god, I am going to die out here, I don’t know where to go?” “what a bitch, where did she go?” (Henri hypothetical thoughts).

And when I pop out, he is not thinking “you are so mean, don’t do that again”, or goes into any physical indication of emotions like crying or aggression, he simply turns around and continues on with what he is doing, there was no reaction only stability. He was showing he was moving within what is here, he took in information in each moment, assessed, and moved within a common sense path using his physical body as support, he remained stable and continued to be stable for the entire duration of the exercise.

So a cool example for me to see what this moment of ‘being here’ looks like, it’s one where emotions/feelings are not visible or accessed but a physical presence of stability is shown, I obviously realize through walking this process that emotions and feelings are created through thinking, so when I access the thoughts as I used for example with Henri’s hypothetical, you can see how much more baggage and more taxing our bodies go through due to all this participation in thoughts and energy as emotions and feelings we go into. I was more tired after that ordeal within me because of the spike of guilty emotion laced in fear due to my thoughts that he was going to suffer in some way if I didn’t show myself. Dogs have a different purpose then humans do on this planet, and I suggest to check out the links below to find out more information of dogs history as well as many other animals, but for my process here I am looking at what thoughts, emotions, and feelings I am accessing and continuing to fuel through participating and living out the personality of ‘irritation’ and ‘impatience’ and the many dimensions that this includes.

I will continue in my next blog, thanks for reading.

Interview Support on Animals' Perspectives:
Animals on Eqafe

Dog Series:
Pets and Owners Relationship Review - Part 1
Pets and Owners Relationship Review - Part 2
Pets and Owners Relationship Review - Part 3

Pet and Owners Relationship Review - Part 4
Pets and Owners Relationship Review - Part 5

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