Brusitis in the Left Hip Bursa Sac - Feminine Expression - Hardening of Self - Day 29

 

                                                               equalmoney.org

I have had this pain in my left hip for some time, but has been moved into a inflammation within the hip sacs, this has been especially after working through some heavy and deep points in my desteni.org process that I have been walking now for many years. I am realizing that the pain is based on the idea and belief within myself that one, I am not able to move forward after a mistake/fall, being shocked within the self honesty faced of what I was doing/capable of, and how I initially went into blame and self defeat where I allowed myself to wallow in fear, anger, and self hatred. I am seeing the nature of this devaluation of myself in believing I am stuck and can never forgive or again stand after such a fall stems from the belief that I am doomed and shamed forever within this mistake and fall, and I require others to help me back up or help me get the point. There is a point that what I create will always be with me as I created it, yet who I am here in realizing and then changing is what matters and is relevant at this time. Also when in reality, I myself have to get up and stand within myself, realizing that no one is to blame or going to save me, but self is to stand and find a way to do what is best for all within the understand of doing what is best for self. Through this stand you show life and others who you are and equality of life emerges where all are able to be heard and all have a say, cause all are here and responsible for the alignment of what is best for all as a self creation one and equal.

 My mother is an imprint in my mind within this pain in my hip from childhood where I did not feel seen or supported in my troubles by her, so believing that I have to go it alone and I am unworthy of care or support. Though I realize this is not true, I do walk alone yes within myself and my own self honesty, but I am not worthy or useless, I am a being expressing here and responsible for my self correction when I fall or create an idea or belief of something. The fact is that life is direct, life is here, it doesn’t think, it exist, it lives, so self has to apply oneself to live, it’s an action, and so it’s a self willed requirement, no one can do this for me but me. Self does have support within people, material, and nature/animals that can support with insight and solving the issues/problems self believe are insurmountable, but self has to be open to it and learn from it in a way that cause no harm, but give life as self give of oneself for what is best for all. The points one face may be big at times, yes, but each issue/problem can be solved breath by breath, step by step, within an effort to not give up and see it through to stable ground until it’s done. This the quest and the journey of self to rebirth as life, on wards.

 Self forgiveness 

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe a mistake/fall where I did not live into self honesty and what is best for all, but deliberately chose self interest, to be more, I am sentenced forever to suffer and pay for the harm I had caused by not standing for life when it was on the line.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself prisoner in my own mind for a mistake, fall, and self interest moment where i chose the mind rather then standing in that moment for what is best for all life. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe life is not able to change and transform within and as the understanding and self honest walk of what is here, to in fact stop and live in a new way that supports self to live and never again allow and accept such abuse within and as my reality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe i don't deserve self forgiveness and self change, and thus i must continually suffer.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am not allow to feel gentleness, softness, and care for myself because i made a mistake/fell in my process and life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe i do not deserve gentleness and care within myself toward myself because i judge myself as bad, loser, and a demon.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto thoughts of my mistakes, and believe these define me, when i see, realize, and understand they are not real, and thus i have the ability to breathe, let them go, and live here in the physical in a way that will support myself and life as i support all when i stand and support myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe i have to hold everything in and never allow anyone to know as i see i need to figure things out by myself and i am too bad or far gone to get anyone to support me or help me out.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe i am the only one who has fallen in such a way, when i see, realize, and understand many are in the same boat and will equally need the support of themselves and life/others as examples to walk what has to be walked to stand for and as life as the self forgiveness is spoken and lived within the living change in what is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the shock of the moment of when i found myself in rock bottom where i realized my mistakes and the consequences to face. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize, see, and understand to stand for life i have to stand as myself as life, and in this this require a gentleness and softness at times to support through a point of understanding or patience to work with what is here within msyelf and in this world as the living solution is created and walked.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe i have to fight through to survive, when i see, realize, and understand i don't need to survive but give as i'd like to receive until all are here receiving and life is guaranteed in an equal life and equal money system as examples of heaven on earth our/self's true/truth and real nature.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame my mother for not being there for me as a child, and thus not realize or understand at the time that my mother was walking here best as she could in the moments and in this she was equally doing her best with what she knew to support me and thus i can not blame but take it back to myself and see where i can learn and align myself to be the solution.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame my mother for me being forced more into the nature of having to figure it out on my own, and when i made a mistake, blame her as a point that should have been there, when i see, realize, and understand that she was there in her capacity as she could and that these alignments are points within my process, i must face within myself, change myself, and stand within the consequences as i create and stand as the solution.

 I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe i am trapped, when i see, realize and understand i am here, i am able to create and move myself in a way that is best for all until it is created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resent myself for “allowing the mistake,” instead of seeing it as a necessary mirror to show me who I was, so I could realign with who I really am. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself in walking process, believing that because I fell once, I am always on the edge of failure—when in truth, every breath is a new foundation. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overcompensate by pushing through pain, inflammation, and exhaustion—believing I must suffer to prove I care or am worthy of life. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being seen in my vulnerability is shameful or dangerous when i see, realize, and understand it is a mirror to myself and where i am in fact requiring change and thus showing true strength as being seen but remaining here open and directive of myself to remain and correct myself.

 “You must embrace all parts of yourself, even the ones you have rejected, because all of it is you. Until you stand equal and one with all of it, you will not be free.”

— Bernard Poolman 

I commit myself to stop the believes that i am stuck, in harms way always, and have no way out, but breathing let go of the past, and working with what is here, breathe by breathe, where i give myself the ability to care for myself and the space for gentleness so i can ensure i am seen as i show this within and as my world. 

 I commit myself to receive self care within my own process as i get back up from a mistake/fall and show myself that i still matter and i can keep moving and expanding in a way of self change and self correction. 

When and as i see i am going into self judgment of what i have done, i stop breathe and let go, move into the word self care and self gentleness as i align to my commitment and agreement to life to change and correct myself through self acceptance and doing what is best in the moments to the best of my ability.

I commit myself to stop all blame toward my mother and realize she is me and i could have been her, i see i would want compassion within the understand she was doing the best she could, and i commit myself to take self responsibility for my own actions and consequences, and walk the process to realign, forgive myself, and correct myself into living words such as self responsible, compassion, care, equality and oneness. 

I commit myself to let go of the suffering and harm, i commit myself to embrace my body and this world as the body of life and start the process of self correction as self healing to again be able to align to what is best for all and stand for always as life as me.

I commit myself to stop the internal war with myself, and instead live the gift of correction—gently, consistently—no longer driven by fear of failure, but moved by care for life.

I commit myself to stop hiding or compensating for my past through force, and instead trust the living correction of who I am here, one breath at a time, one decision at a time.

I commit myself to open up to real support—from people, nature, and the tools of life—realizing I am never truly alone when I walk in self-honesty and allow life to move through me.

I commit myself to walk with presence, not punishment—to no longer earn my worth, but express it.

 

Living words to embody - 

Stability - standing stable in myself in my mistakes and my correction, equal and one to myself as life until i am clear and here breathe by breath.

Support - giving myself equal support as care, nurturing, and softness as i would give a child getting back up after a fall.

Softness - standing in understanding as self here as life, allowing myself to let go of the pain and sadness and recreate in a way that is best, correcting and expressing myself as the joy of life that is a gift as honour and grace as i've been given by life as my physical body and this world.  

Grace – the permission to start again without punishment.

Fortitude – quiet strength in the face of consequence.

Allowance – letting life unfold within principled living, not forced control

 

 “Correction is not judgment—it is support. It is the act of aligning with what is best for all, beginning with self. It is the gift you give to yourself: to no longer live as consequence, but as creation.”

— Desteni

 

More support at -

www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

wiki.desteni.org

equalmoney.org

Self Perfected - Destonian network support on fb

www.techno-tutor.com - word as living support, check out this tool!

 

 

Day 28 - Allowing Self to Flow - The Hips - Resisting what is here

equalmoney.org

So from working through the points with my gut, and working with trusting myself, I am moving on to the hips, where i am finding them to have gained some weight, and also have some pain in the left side. This pain is in the joint area where it feels as if it has been over worked or over used, compensating for the imbalance of my walk where I tend to put more weight on my left side when walking. So some words to work with here is overcompensating, inflexibility, immobile, constriction, and imbalance. 

I am seeing that due to my relationships in the past and my own self relationship with myself, I have allowed myself to become more left side dominant then right side, causing those muscles to be over used and over worked causing pain and discomfort. The weight gain i am seieng due to staying stuck in the past, not moving myself here in the physical through staying stuck in my mistakes i allowed and in this the expressions of self that i didn't live into. This resistance i am seeing of facing my past and what i have allowed in relationships for instance with others and myself, i am over compensating within my day to day activities, pushing beyond my flexibility and capacity where i want to do something, but i have not allowed my body and self discipline to catch up with the potential i am seeing. Not stretching for instance, spending the extra time to warm up before i go into the critical exercise and heavy tax on my body/self, but just move through the pain and discomfort, even though it is causing potential damage. This a lack of self awareness and self discipline, and essentially being lazy, giving up on my best.  

 Within my relationships, this is staying in a relationship or moving out of a relationship due to the thoughts of something is wrong or all is good, not working step by step with the physical and the reality feedback, but wanting it to be the way that suits me best for my interest. Lacking self honesty when in fact i require it to ensure that i am not fucking myself or another, and not allowing or accepting any abuse within my reality/self space. If i am allowing this in my world, then i am allowing it in others worlds as well, maybe not deliberately directly, but subtle it is playing out until eventually it comes to a head and all hell breaks lose and energy outbursts is created.  

Self forgiveness

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist the patience and stability as self discipline it'll take to walk the step by step process in the physical to walk the alignment of ensuring the steps are taken i can see that will support myself to be the best i can be and ensure the consideration of all involved is well aligned and understood so all benefit as best possible not matter the effort it'll take as long as what is best and common sense is considered.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into a desire to take it easy and work with my desires, where i can give into my wants and perceived needs within the idea that i am good, i can do it another time.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that time is something that i have to use with as i please, when i see, realize, and understand that everything has a consequence and everything is existing within space time and in my desires/ wants/ needs i am truly only considering myself and my small circle as my local environment not considering all life within the principles that i live within as it is in self interest only and not what is best for all. 

 I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be desiring to get my own way and in this not listen to common sense, but only listen to my mind as self interest reasoning that i can do what i want or i can get what i want and in that push beyond the consideration of all, and push to get my needs met above others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame others within my reality about what has transpired in my world, where i seek out the point of desiring the punishment to go onto them as i believe i was done onto and in this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe i was justified to harm others within my force of self onto others where i got my own way and punished others and in this believed that i won, when i see, realize, and understand no one wins. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful within and as my reality, where i go into blame and anger toward the injustices of others as i believe, instead of taking self responsibility for what i have created and finding the will to live something new that is aligned to others/all and live this change until it is done.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become lazy and apathetic within and as the movement of self to do what is necessary to be done to ensure a world that is best for all as i start with myself within self discipline and self honesty to forgive myself for my past, and walk a change process that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not have compassion within and as others and myself as a point of walking the change process as it takes time and ensuring that application of breathe awareness and constant alignment with what is best as what is best for self is live within my day to day living, letting go of the want desire of self interest and considering in common sense what i can do that is best for all involved. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful and angry when i do not get my way as i see my life then will be more difficult.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being and living life more difficult instead of walking my consequence no matter what it is and aligning myself to the solutions that is best for all life. 

I forgive msyelf to be in flexible within and as change when change is necessary to direct and correct myself to what is best and what will ensure i am able to do what is best in my living as this in fact is the only way of life that matters and is truly what i would want for myself and in all shoes if i had to live in them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist my past instead of accepting my past as myself, forgive it as myself, and change myself to align here with what is best for all as living words and living solutions to the best of my ability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the signs of imbalance within my body, prioritizing performance or outcomes over presence and care.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate pain with progress, instead of seeing that pain is my body’s voice asking for care, realignment, and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush my process out of fear of not being enough, instead of trusting the timing of my realignment as breath by breath, here.

When and as I see myself wanting to push through pain or discomfort without listening to my body, I stop and I breathe. I remind myself that my body is not a machine to conquer, but a living being I am here to walk with in partnership.

When and as I resist slowing down or preparing properly (emotionally or physically), I realize I am sabotaging my own potential. I choose preparation and structure over rush and self-interest.

When and as I go into guilt or regret about my past mistakes in relationships, I stop. I breathe. I remind myself that I am not defined by the past, but by who I choose to be in this breath forward.

I commit myself to let go of the desire in self interest to get what i want, and align myself in thought word and deed to what is best for all with my money, my awareness, my time, my energy as i see this is truly the world i would like to create and raise children in.

I commit myself to never give up on myself as all life within the acceptance of what is here and taking full self responsibility to walk my talk in common sense to do what i am able in the space i have to align life to what is best for all through equality and oneness and what is best for all.

I commit myself to stand in self discipline and consistency as i change myself to self interest only to what is best for all as would be best for me proven in my living, and tracking it in my day to day operations.

I commit myself to listen to my physical body more, i commit myself to live the word gentleness where i care for myself and my physical that has been pushed beyond limits at time and requires compassion as self here. 

I commit myself to remain stead fast in my principles of life as self forgiveness, accepting myself for who i am and changing myself step by step as i let go of the past through self forgiveness and changing through living words that will ensure i am living the best version of myself within a consistent application and growth. Also i commit myself to get up from each fall, and stand as life until all life is free as i have freed myself here as breathe. 

More support at -
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com
wiki.desteni.org
equalmoney.org
Self Perfected - Destonian network support on fb
www.techno-tutor.com - word as living support, check out this tool!