Here I am walking the living of this word discipline in a specific scenario, one that I have been challenged with and that is within the addiction to sleep. There has been a process I have been walking in relation to waking up at 5am and being productive at this time with either writing, exercising, or working in some way or another. What I have realized is that I am being controlled by the desire to sleep, the grogginess, the beliefs that I have to sleep more, the idea that sleeping is healthy, and the rest of the mind backchat that I have been participating in based on the physical programming that I have allowed where sleep feels like it is impossible to stop. Though even with this challenge I have given myself, it is not complicated, it is actually quite simplistic, it takes actions, it takes self will, it takes physical movement, and at the start it takes discipline to move beyond the programming.
So I am going to first do self forgiveness on some dimensions I found in my last blog you can find here, and correct those dimensions so they are clear within me, first one is the dimension that I am attaching the emotion of anxiety to the word discipline because I have created a belief that if I am going to walk discipline I have to succeed within it, if I fail then I will be showing myself that I am not actually what I hope I am, and that is disciplined.
Self forgiveness on anxiety, expectation, and hope in relation to the word discipline:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach an emotion of anxiety to the word discipline based on a fear that I will not succeed within what it is that I am desiring to be disciplined within and through that create a hope that I will be this.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a reaction of hope based on the thought and picture of me being disciplined within my living where I see that I could be this successful person who is disciplined and within this I could be hard working, and this is what I desire for myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a failure if I don’t live up to this desire of myself within the picture I have created of being successful in my disciplined action and within this create the anxiety if I don’t fall and don’t live up to my expectation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an expectation that I have to succeed within this in a way that is quick and powerful, where I show that I am strong and can do anything, based on the hope that this is how I am when I see, realize, and understand this is being created within my mind with energy, and is in fact not who I am, as I only realize, see, and understand who I am by walking the process of living the word discipline to my highest potential and within this, I see, realize, and understand this will continue to expand as I live it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a picture of my dad as the example I am living up to as a point of discipline and within this create an idea of what I have to do and how I have to live as this absolute discipline he lives where he walks his day specifically and with discipline, but for me I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that he too walked a process to get to where he is at, and within me, I am not defined nor limited by a picture in my head of what I have to be like as this process is unique to who I am and what I will create in my process as I redefine and live the word discipline within the creation of myself each moment.
When and as I see I am going into a point of self sabotage with the belief that I have to be successful and like my dad, I stop and breath, and realize that I don’t need to define myself by any of these pictures and energy, but can move within a point of self will, walking moment to moment, and realize that who I am within this process is in self creation as I redefine and recreate myself as the living word discipline.
I commit myself to let go of the pictures in my mind of what I need to be like and focus on moving myself here through the challenges with physical will power.
I commit myself to let go of the pictures in my mind of what I need to be like instead of moving here breath by breath and creating who I am based on the moment and what is needed to live in my highest potential.
I commit myself to push myself beyond my resistances and move into disciplined living.
The next point I am seeing is living in the past, where I desire to be able to sleep in and have it like it was with no worries or cares, indulging in the satisfaction of sleeping to my desire is filled, this I will walk self forgiveness on:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a desire of being able to live how it use to be, where I was ignorant and in that in bliss, not having to take responsibility and stand within a way of integrity.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a belief that it was better in the past when I could sleep in and not have a care in the world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have the life I once had were I could sleep all I wanted, get up and do nothing I wanted, without any consideration or care as to the effect I am having on my own well being and that of others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into hope, hoping I can just live how I once have and just let things be easy and simply.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the past where I wasn’t taking responsibility for myself was simple and easy, when I see, realize, and understand that I wasn’t doing what I could be and living in a way that is detrimental to others and myself by existing in separation and limitation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access this desire of hope where I want to soak up in this feeling of comfort, peace, and serenity as I remember what it is like to lie in the comfort of my bed in the escape of sleep.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself with this feeling of desire and peace in thinking about sleep, when I am ignoring the fact that it cause the mind to permeate deeper into the physical and is in the background slowly killing life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to slowly kill life due to the feelings I am generating through the thoughts of comfort and peace within my mind as thoughts of sleeping, when I see, realize, and understand that this is not real, this is a point of self abdication to stand within my own self responsibility, and do whatever it takes to align myself with what is best and stand equal and one with life here as breath.
When and as I see I am going into this energy based memory of sleeping in the past, where the feelings of comfort, peace, and serenity comes up, I stop and breath, and realize that this is a distraction and abdication of myself as life in the fact that I am responsible to stand within equality with the physical and stop allowing the mind to take over and direct me here.
I commit to breath through these desires to have the feelings of what it was like in the past where I could sleep and do whatever I wanted in ignorance.
I commit myself to ground myself in the word what is best, life, and here as physical.
I commit myself to be disciplined in the morning and wake up after 4-6 hours of sleep so I rest the body and stop the mind from integrating more.
Next blog, I will walk the redefined word of discipline and start walking a process with waking up early to more set in stone the way forward with this example.
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