A Lady's Journey to Life: How to Stop the Too-Muchness Delay

Here I am looking at a point that came up when my feet started to feel swelled, like there was air in them and a lot of pressure. I looked at them and they were not swelled in terms of physically, but had the feeling that they were inflated. So I looked at this point within my life, and I saw this point of swelling and specifically the feet as a point of trying to walk too much stuff at once and thus become spread out committing to too many things and so not being as effective as I could if I was doing less and had more focus and time to dedicated to less amounts of commitments. Stopping the point of spreading myself to thin and trying to walk too many things at one time, hence the inflated feet feeling.

Within this obviously I have to look at priorities, I have to make money and live in this world, so my jobs and remaining stable within this is the first commitment priority I must continue to walk. The other commitments I am walking I are becoming more and more as I commit to more and more, but I find that I am not becoming very effective within the one's I have already committed to and currently walking. I will as a solution drop some lower priority things I do like leisure time things as well as stop committing to things altogether until I am satisfied with walking effective in everything I am committing to currently.

Another point I will walk self forgiveness on is wasting time and not staying focused during the times I set to do the responsibilities like writing or studying I have allotted for myself to do, and so get distracted with other stuff, entertainment stuff, and not push myself through the resistance to just do nothing. This has come up often in my process, and I am finding staying consistent day by day, each and every day is the challenge I am facing and need to transcend. Walking through points I really do not want to do, but must do to stay on track of things and do the best I am able to, and really I am able to do these things, I have time and ability, it's just I go into desire and want to rest or relax. And now my rest/relax ration is unbalanced and I am lagging in my responsibilities and my effectiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stay committed to the process of consistency and commitment of my decision to walk this process as myself in self change and taking responsibility for myself to it's fullest, and so becoming ineffective to the best of my ability in the tasks I am doing because I am not putting my best effort in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I put a little effort in that no one will notice and see, and so it's fine to just do it once in a while, when I know within myself I am being dishonest and can do more, be more, and have more of an effect to support the message of oneness and equality and doing what is best for all life in all the mediums.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and feed resistances with thoughts such as 'i will do it later' and 'i am so tired, i can just do it some other time' and 'i really don't feel like doing it now, let me just watch/do/go here first' and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as my mind to direct me into self compromise willingly and with my understanding, and so give into self interest and compromise to be just a robot operating on impulse rather then my directive action in what I will as a life being for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to thoughts such as 'i will do it later' and 'i am so tired, i can just do it some other time' and 'i really don't feel like doing it now, let me just watch/do/go here first', and allow these thoughts which I realize are not real in terms of what I direct as my own self will in what is best direct me into living in resistances and not getting what i realize I can get done done, and so compromise my self effectiveness and the effect that I can have to help create change within myself and so within this world, as within so without.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into resistance so I can have my self interests met, and not have to push myself and do the work that I resist doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist moving physically in what needs to be done as my part, and so become a hindrance in my own self application when I realize I can do more and be more by not accepting myself to fall and feed resistances when they come up as they are not real but the mind feeding me to stay as a controlled source rather then I walk my own self control and directive principle.

When and as I see i am going into resistances and avoiding doing my responsibilities, I stop and breath, and realize this is the mind trap in which I allow myself to remain stuck in ineffectiveness instead of pushing myself through my resistances and expanding myself in my living and what I can do.

When and as i see I am desiring to go into my self interest and just get distracted by entertainment, I stop and breath, as I realize this is a waste of time and will lead to me being less then what I could be if I pushed through, and I realize who I want to be is a person that pushes through and lives extraordinary as how Bernard taught me, I am life and so I must live this for this to be real, and so I realize I must actually live and become equal and one with the physical as this is life and actually live as how the physical lives, consistent, constant, and in what is best for all one and equal.

I commit myself to write out for each day my priorities to work through and give myself a list to follow as a guide to see what needs to be done, and thus I commit myself to walk this list to make sure they get done.

I commit myself to breath and move myself immediately when a point opens up to walk.

I commit myself to move myself through resistances and do what I can do each day to the best of my ability.