I had a significant moment in my process, actually two, where i got something for free and i desired to keep getting that point for free due to the logic that i deserve it because ..... there is not much within the looking at my reason to why i deserve something for free when in fact it cost money to produce, money equal time, labor, blood, sweat, and agony at times for others. SO why should i get something for free when others have to spend time/energy/resources essentially themselves to produce it, input in and input out, so there is a balance that must occur within all points of the physical. When self/some/all take and take and do not give back, there becomes an imbalance and in imbalance there is suffering, what is best is best within a point of equality and the oneness that we are all the same, from the same source, life that which creates what is here.
So as been said we are creating as we are life, and thus we produce, but what i have been allowing and accepting is the spite, the spite of my mind consciousness desiring more and to have it 'easier' as i don't have to give my time/effort to earn that money to get that product, i can get it for 'free'! But as i have discussed it never is really for free, there is always a price that is paid, one that either supports life or harms it. Each have a consequence and only one supports self in one's and everyone's best potential. Why would self not want to support all life in a way that end suffering? I can't understand at times how i allow such obvious and deliberate spite and abuse, where i make such dumb and quick decisions due to being addicted to the experience, the rush of energy, the thrill, but again not considering the consequence.
This decision in spite, the one i made a long time ago, where i wanted something for free, it cost me a lot as i look back in that moment of seeking the mind/spite, and so i did not buy it which would have help many people/families/children, but due to spite i did not buy it cause i didn't get it for free. Missing an opportunity to live a prosperous and fruitful life for myself and many others that i could see, but what did i decide, what came first, my desires, my wants, my experience, my mind, my mine, my precious, my money, and so what did i miss, life, the physical, the others building and creating WITH me, myself as an equal as life, and i understand this is not the way i would like to live.
I forgive myself for the misstep i took back in that time, not considering the actual physical that goes into creating life, many parts and many points of physical labor and movement, and when done in a willingness of what is best for all, magic happens/life in its limitless forms is birthed, the best we have to offer, but i understand i must forgive myself for my past/harms and rebirth and breathe and live what is best when i come to this point again in my journey.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have things for free in a spiteful way where i understand it's to only benefit my own pocket and have more then what is actually my equal share as a point of exchange one a product the other the ability to prosper with money.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to move into a point of spitefulness accepting and allowing harm unto another deliberately with the belief that i deserve it, i am saying then i am superior to that other, i am special, when i see, realize, and understand that is an idea do not physical fact as we all are actually here creating as our physical labor in our own capacity and expression, and thus we all deserve life as what is best in equal exchange where all benefit.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see myself as an equal but in separation as specialness and superiority, showing i am not this as i am not standing in what is actual fact that we are all here, all have our own unique expression that is part of what makes us life as the limitless expressions that exist, and that we all require and need what is giving us at this time the ability to live, equal exchange for our services as the ability to live which is at this time money.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom as a way to get out of doing what is best for all, I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify harming another through the mind as beliefs as i deserve it and i am thus more special then the other cause i am more experienced or given it freely in the past, when i see realize and understand that circumstances change and what is real here is what matters, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist in the past and define myself by the past as knowledge instead of understanding the principles of what i am living as doing what is best for all and supporting all as i would like to be supported.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that in the society of living beings where all are equally exchange in a way of what is best for all, freedom will emerge as a natural outflow of a world that is best for all life, where suffering ends, and life is in balance and thus freedom will be a living expression the way in which it was meant to be lived.
I commit myself to stop the ideas and beliefs i deserve something that not considers all life one and equal.
I commit myself to not stop and let go of my ego as desires to get something for free so i don't have to work as hard, when i see realize and understand this is harmful and is a miscalculation of the physical reality and what is best for all life.
I commit myself to stand in the shoes of the other and do my best to stand the principle of balance giving as i'd like to receive.
I commit myself to walk the path of not giving up on myself and all until an equality system in what is best for all is here as the physical reality and freedom is lived as an expression of myself.
I commit myself to understand that life is not free but is at a cost, where it is being expressed within a physical action of others as me equal and one and the balance of equality in what is best has to be given back, as i'd like if i was in there shoes.
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