Day 25- Not Getting What I Want

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into a mini temper tantrum when I don't get what I want and expect due to the fact that I was expecting a certain point to manifest and when it doesn't I go into anger and frustration and blame because I am addicted to the desires I am expecting to occur.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into mental tantrum towards life when I don't get my way and tear through someone with back chat and nastiness so I can diminish them within myself as I seek revenge against them for not fulfilling my expectations of desire I am addicted to.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into back chat and thoughts of abuse and nastiness due to me taking it personally that someone did not give me what I wanted and thus I go into attack mode.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to berate and abuse others within my mind because I am feeling inferior to who they are here as I have come to believe that I am at a disadvantage and thus within this position I have created within my mind to use all means to become more then them, even if that is to cause abuse and suffering through my words or actions due to the thoughts I am creating towards and about them.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take actions of another that happened in real time as a personal attack unto me without any understanding or direct knowledge of what the circumstances may be, but based on assumptions of 'it must be because they don't like me or theirs some problem with me' I go into inferiority towards the being and thus try to diminish them as I am seeking to gain control again through becoming in some way superior to them.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take real time actions that happen in life as a personal attack onto me and that it is being done to harm me when I realize and see that within myself I can not be harmed and see that I have no real stability within the situation as I am completely reacting due to ego and desire.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to let go of this desire to get what I want at all times and thus become impatient and angered when what is suppose to happen in my mind and thought do not manifest within this I realize that thought is not real nor in practical consideration of the physical as space time thus only looking at the situation in an egocentric 'me' only outlook and thus missing the actuality of what is here and causing unnecessary abuse based on assumptions that are unfounded and based on reactions not fact.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be directed within thoughts as assumptions through accepting and allowing reactions of my desires not being met and thus go into backchat and eventually abuse in my living based on thoughts that aren't real and creating unnecessary suffering to another and the diminishment of myself as life here in equality as I am only taking myself into consideration and my own needs.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to miss myself here within physical practical reality and within the consideration and physical living of others within my world and within this reality and thus realizing that life is not always going to go to plan nor going to be able to be predicted and thus I must and will walk to become flexible and patient with others allowing life to unfold as it will and thus go with in equality and oneness and let go of the desire to control and have my ego engaged and fulfilled.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist only within desire in a quest to attain something from outside within this world based on me not accepting myself here and being comfortable with who I am and how I live, and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use desire as an escape to not have to face myself within who I have become as a being who dislikes herself and always accept this point of want and need to exist because I am not fulfilled within myself as who I am existing as based on judging and comparing myself to others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to believe that I am missing something within myself and thus search for it within points outside in my world in hopes that I will find that missing piece that makes me complete, and thus when I don't get what I expected and desired I go into fear because I believe I need that to continue living and understanding who I am.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe and perceive myself as less then other life here and go into fear in the presences of others based on my idea that I am not as worthy and that I am not as good.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into beliefs about who I am here within and as myself as I easily get lost within the mind dimensions of judgments and comparisons, so thus i stop judgments and comparisons and stop thoughts by remaining here living in reality and accepting myself continually as all life in equality as I realize this is what is here as life and thus I am here a part of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into beliefs and judgments about myself that I am not worthy and less then other beings based on the way I perceive things through my mind and thus react to others based in these beliefs and judgements and cause abuse.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to perceive life through the mind as thoughts and feelings/emotions which is limiting me to existing within and as all life, as mind is only based on energy relationships as positive/negative and thus I am only existing within these two points of polarity in generating this which will always cease to continue eternally, but within life, life is here within everything, and thus I as life am part of the everything and can thus exist as everything forever as this is what is here as the physical and is such the evidence and truth of this, I must only will this as self in oneness and equality with all as me here in life as this physical existence to be it here for real.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within and as the mind as energy play outs for feeling and emotions as desires and self fulfillment when I see and realize this in fact is not real as it is only within the mind dimensions which is made up and created by me thus I can stop it and let go the desires and emotion addictions and live here within the physical as who I really am as all life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be addicted to desire based on being addicted to this point of fear of life and so allow anger and frustration to direct me towards others in blame when I don't get my desires fulfilled.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow desires to direct me and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow anger and frustration to exist and direct me in my living.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use revenge towards other when I see that I am only going into a mental state of withdrawal and inferiority and thus I stop blame and inferiority and live within myself here as one with life and live equal as who I am with all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself with wants and desires and abuse life when I don't get what I want.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into separation and blame others for what I created and accepted within me as taking things personally, and thus I realize and see I must accept myself here and stand as the solution in oneness and equality with all as myself to be free of these mind games as want and desire and just live and enjoy all here as who I am really am one with the physical.

When and as this point of desire come up to get what I want, I stop breath, and do not accept the desire to direct me as I realize this will go into a point of expectation and thus abuse as separation towards others and myself will ensue, thus I stop the point at it's core within stopping my desires. I accept me here fully within who I am and thus accept all here within who they are, walking in common ground with others and coming to solutions and best for all scenarios stopping blame and anger when things turn out different then planned. I allow life to be lived and I adapt and transform myself within all situations as acceptance and equality as I realize what is here is my creation and thus to live in oneness and equality I have to take responsibility for myself and my creation as my life and walk equal and one as the physical with the physical and to live best for all as practical solutions we all can enjoy.

I commit to stopping all points of desires when they arise and stand within and as practical reality here as physicality to come up with solutions and best for all scenarios to be in equality with all.

I commit to stop being directed by energy as my mind within emotions/feelings/desires and live here within and as my physical participation, slowing myself down, breathing, and letting go to the addiction as mind energy to life here in living as myself with all in equality.

I commit to stopping taking things personally and live within and as the acceptance of myself with all here and allow myself as well as all life to live and find common ground stopping all conflict.

I commit to stop fear of others and my insecurity of who I have been in the past, and push to remain here and stand equal with all as I realize I am here and thus I am equal.




not getting what I want, wrath of hell, cry baby, raising hell, inferior, addicted to desires, attack, consciousness, mind, mental states, equality, equal money, desteni, journey to life 2012, 

Day 21- Fuck you!

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to take others actions towards me personally, like it is a personal attack onto me where they are seeking to abuse me and bring me down.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to feel offended and hurt when others yell at me or tell me to do something in a demanding and forceful way.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to go into immediate resistance towards the other in a stand off to battle with them as egos as I am taking it personally and seeing that I have to defend myself.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed and accepted myself here as the other in realizing that I am only reflecting myself to myself where in I am not accepting that part of the other as myself and seeing that it is being done onto me when in reality I am doing it to myself as I am not stopping it within myself and thus enforcing the reaction as forceful words and anger within myself and thus resisting it as an attack brought on by the other when I am not doing anything to correct it here, I am causing it to continue.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not live the correction as myself to stop separating myself from what is here as I realize what is here is me, and thus to stop the battles within myself and me as this world, I must stop it within myself and become a solution for myself so I will have a set of principles as guidelines to walk the correction until I am here as life one and equal as the physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go to war with myself as life within the starting point that the other has done me harm, where within this acceptance of others doing harm onto me and thus retaliating in the same way as separation with the other in bringing battle to them, I am perpetuating the abuse as this world as it is the same abuse that is going on within myself. I am the cause of the abuse of this world as I abuse myself as another living into the separation that 'we are enemies'.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting within myself the belief that 'we are enemies' here as this world as this has brought the atrocities and suffering within and as this world as within this belief it is stating that I am not here, I am in conflict, I don't know who I am, I don't accept myself as life, and I don't accept the life within another, and thus this is what I create a world of hell, suffering, conflict, war, bombs, and kids being killed as well as many adults, animals, nature, this world as me. I realize and see who and what I am within this, I realize I am life, so thus I must walk this in absolute fact as myself to turn the tides and create a world where all children, adult, animal, nature, and this world alike are safe, and all life is respected and honored as I would want for myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to go into self interest as desires to gain more then another and thus when I do not get this more, I go into a disappointment and a point of revenge where I seek out this point of fulfilling my desire where I will do what it takes to fulfill this desire so thus I don't have to feel the disappointment again, but within this I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to live into this polarity play out of desire/disappointment, when I realize and see this will always be the case, as I am chasing emotions and feelings which are not real nor able to be sustained eternally, thus its a constant search for more with no real fulfillment possible as I am addicted to the high, but always with the high will come down to the low, what goes up must come down.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be addicted to the highs of desire and fulfilling the desire as good feelings for a moment, and thus accept the enslavement of myself to this point as living within the limitations as polarities, never being here and living stable in all that is here as this world as myself as the unlimitedness potential of the equality and oneness of all life in truth. I realize I am one and equal with all thus I don't need to desire nor go into disappointment, but be here, share, and stop the energies as emotions and feelings from directing me, stop limiting myself by chasing energy as mind projections and movements.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the mind as emotions and feelings direct me as desire and disappointment and thus separate me into attaining this desire even while I abuse and bring suffering onto others, and thus go into ego points of staying on top to keep these feelings and emotions and have them come more and more where I attack others as I believe that I am separate and thus continue the abusing life so I can feel good.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from life and not stand up for myself as all as one as equal and walk the correction. I realize and see this is who I am and the path to real lasting eternal peace for all life as well as myself, thus I stop my mind as ego and walk to life here as the physical equal and one to all.

When and as this point comes up where I take things personally and desire to go to battle with the other, I stop take a breather and leave the room to stop the energy build up. I communicate only when I am stable. I realize that I am life here and thus I walk the path to life through self honesty, self forgiveness, and self correction.

I commit to stop separating myself from others and see that I am reflecting me, I take the points shown back to myself, walk them out in self forgiveness, and live the corrections so I stop abusing life and thus become as life one and equal to all as how I would want it for myself.


ego, war, battles, abuse, demon, bombs, kids dying, nature annihilation murder, attack, anger, personal, equality, eqafe, equal money, desteni, 2012