Hi, I am working through my mind after a significant 'fall' where i had to face some reality consequences that made me realize the requirement of movement that is needed in the process from birthing from the energy of the mind reality as illusion into and as the living reality as self creation through living/action in words as self forgiveness and self correction - for more on some insight into this point and where it came through check out this chat - 1. Saturday 19th May 2012 - Desteni Forum
When I am annoyed I see that i have some memories in me, mainly toward my sister whom i work with and spend a lot of time with, we are in a setting that is fast paced and i am her manager, so in this environment there are certain common sense expectations that are required. But for me i see my memories are of backchat of becoming angry that she is not listening to my 'direction' and not following the 'rules'. I have justified this anger/annoyance within a point of self righteousness and believing i am stronger and better at my job then her, which in turn in my mind as backchat make me think that i am thus able to bully her to a point where it makes her move quicker, do what i want, so this point of belief 'i am better at my job, she is so slow', creates in me my self justification to push her outside of proper guidelines and limitations and make it emotional where one is wrong/bad and the other is right/better.
This cause in her an imbalance in the work day without a clear direction of her environment directives, but she is more on guard and thus more in her mind, self compromise, based on the bi-polar nature of myself becoming annoyed/emotional when a mistake is made or point not understood in its best potential. This stems from my ego, believing that cause i am at this skill of being on task and timely to a degree of efficiency for the office setting, i am thus able to diminish another who can't keep up.
This does not say anything about either one in terms of self definition and self creation, but it does say within me that i am being spiteful and evil in my interactions with another in my environment who is my equal, is me in another life, and thus is what should be valued before anything else, the equality and oneness of each one.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see person x as a being that i can bully and push around cause i am stronger and thus able to as the capabilities are at my advantage and i am more able to stay stable, and thus i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the backchat that this being is weak and thus able to be pushed to extremes due to my desire to be right/get my creation in place thus control the outcome and creating a way where i get what i want.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into a point of self righteousness where i allow and accept thoughts as 'i am so much stronger and smarter then her' 'she is so dump' 'she is so slow' 'she is losing us money' 'she doesn't listen to me' 'she is trying to ruin my leadership abilities and direction' and 'i can't stand her, she doesn't obey'.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become annoyed at another for there life and living reality in this moment equal and one to me as this moment.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge the other where in i see the other as my enemy/competition, instead of seeing it as me and that i require to walk in the others shoes to find out where and how can i support them equal to how i would want to be supported and live in a way that is best for all.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am within and as a point of self defeat when another in my reality doesn't walk my expectation and so i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to control and force another into my will and direction in a way of force and degrading.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be better/stronger cause within my backchat i am speaking things that are not real, and are harmful which is evil, which is not best for all life my commitment and principle of living this life.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to instead of standing as an equal to the other and supporting them to be the best they can be, i stand as a point of harm and degrading where i am gaining superiority over her and feeling more powerful and in control through the feeling of success and victory when in reality i am destroying and diminishing something i would not do to myself and not want done unto me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace the other as myself and understand within the interaction what can we do to support each other within a point of self care and self support where both the environments are made to bring through the best for each other and what make practical common sense to allow both the opportunity to become stable and get the work done that needs done in a timely way.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the backchat of judgment thoughts toward other and self glorifying thoughts toward myself for being strong. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed my ego as self interest be my driving force in the work place towards others instead of sitting in there shoes and finding solutions that will ensure all are cared for and all have the ability to be the best the can for the position they are in where things are clear and understood to the best of my ability to get it lived out into completion.
I commit myself to live the words self discipline within stopping my back chat about winning and being better, breathing, and not allowing thoughts of judgment or any thoughts of harm.
I commit myself to flag point annoyance when or if it comes up showing to myself that i have fallen in self interest and trying to win.
I commit myself to recognize that i am going into ego as a point of self righteousness self glorification, because i am not in control of myself and feel inferior.
I commit myself to embrace the other as myself with love, care, gentleness, and clear direction of common sense as i would myself. I commit myself to use breathing and releasing the energy through physical activity and breathing to no longer direct myself with energy as mind in thoughts and shooting/harm/self glorification, but real living that is an equal and one support for all as i'd like for myself.
More self support at:
www.desteni.org
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com
