A Lady's Journey to Life: November 2013

Recently I was at a fair where I had to interact with people I had never met before and be assertive within myself to get them to hear and pay attention to what I had to say, so it’s a point of selling myself to sell a product. I was in a situation where I was ‘on the spot’ so to speak with an older gentleman, and he asked me to give him an example of what I was showing him. The example that first popped in my mind, I said, but it did not want to come out properly, so I ended up stuttering my words. He then looked at me and said ok, and kind of brushed me aside and walked away. Within myself, man I was feeling like I had screwed that up and was quite embarrassed I had flubbed up like I did.

I did not take into consideration however, that this was the second time I was doing this type of approach and obviously I was not going to be perfect right off the bat, I have to gain experience to specify and remediate my application and so mistakes are to be expected. Though, within myself I took this personal and felt embarrassed and judged myself for this screw up, instead of accepting the mistake I made and changing myself within it, I suppressed my the emotions and kept saying within myself I am fine, I am ok, let me just move on. But all the while having this event effect me not only mentally but on a physical level with feeling shakened up a bit and flushed. So here I will walk as many dimensions as I am able to in relation to this incident in the next blogs to come to support others as well as myself in correcting this experience of embarrassment I am sure we all can relate to. This first dimension I will walk will be on not seeing reality for what it is, a process of mistakes, adjustments, and living the correction to become perfected in any given task or skill one takes on. Thanks for walking with.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when i make a mistake or reality does not line up into a perfect outcome or a normal outcome and something happens out of the ordinary, i then feel that i am at a lose and something has changed within me for the worse.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by my environment and what happens within it instead of being in the moment and seeing reality for what it is and so support myself in reality by living with and as the environment and doing what is best in common sense and in this case it would be to correct myself when I make a mistake and move on.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to miss myself in reality for real because i am in an emotion of embarrassment when my environment doesn’t turn out how i expected it to and believe that i am at a lose in some way.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by emotions such as embarrassment within moments where my reality doesn’t match up to how i expected and i am doing something within a wrong calculation and so feel like i have done something bad.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to for instance in the moment where i screwed up my word within speaking to the old guy about tt that i was inferior because i made a mistake and he did not.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for making a mistake or mishap within what i am doing where my reality didn’t go the way my idea of reality was suppose to go and so see me as the problem.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself in my reality not accept and allow myself to make mistakes and mess up in front of others as this is inevitable within living in this physical existence.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that making mistakes and mishaps in a way of self honest application, that this is the only way to learn and so correct myself as i see that the mistakes are showing where i still need work.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to the guy based on believing that because i messed up he was going to think that i am stupid and a joke.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the other guy thought i was stupid and a joke because i messed up in the word i was trying to say when in reality i don’t know what he is thinking and so should focus on myself and who i am in the moment as that is what is real, me within myself and who i am as a living being in each moment and what i do to correct that which i see is not aligned to what is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for the fact that i am the one judging myself in my own mind as stupid and a joke for messing up a word and so condemning myself to feel embarrassment as i have accepted this to be who i am, an embarrassment, when in reality i realized i didn’t know the word properly and so it’s showing that i need more practice, which i did and corrected after the incident occurred.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as an embarrassment because i have judged my actions in the moment of messing up my word and so caring what the other man thought of me, and so i forgive myself that i have continued to accept and allow myself to define who i am by others and my own mind as projections of what others think of me, rather than stopping, breathing, slowing down and living through the physical as who i am in my words and actions in common sense in each moment as i walk and live and correct that which needs realignment to what is best.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the thoughts that i have of me being an embarrassment and a joke, rather than breathing, correcting myself in the moment, and so walking the practical steps to learn the word in what it takes and so stop the act of self compromise.

When and as i see that i go into a point of judging myself for making a mistake in fear of others thoughts of me, i stop and breath, and realize this is the physical process of learning new things in reality and this process is showing me where i need to look into more to learn and that i am not defined by the external reality, but i define me within who i am in each moment of breath within my living.

I commit myself to stop judging myself when i make a mistake or mishap in reality.

I commit myself to stop defining myself by the actions in the past and so breath here and express myself in each moment.

I commit myself to walk the process of correction and also making mistakes so i can learn and change myself to perfect myself through this learning process of making mistakes.

I commit myself to stand with others in self stability and so walk with rather than in fear of them, I have the ability to move myself in common sense, and so I commit to walk this way of common sense living rather than fear based living.