Wednesday, April 17, 2019

Self Forgiveness (Day 7): Irrational Fears - Fear of Microwave, Cellphones, Machines, Lightning - Day 585

Art By: Andrew Gable

I am going to do a few blogs on things that seem irrational, but in my mind have a lot of subtle and sometimes overt power over me in day to day life, it stems a lot of the time from childhood memories, so I am also pushing self forgiveness on these childhood memories that I still am triggered by in my day to day life. This one is about machines and mechanics we use in everyday life like lights, microwave, and lights for instance.

So a fear I have had for a long time and react to still subtle within myself is the fear that I am going to get sick from cell phones cause I have memories of being told that things mechanical are harmful, such as when my mom told me not to stand in front of the microwave or how aspartame will cause cancer. I have always been afraid of this world and the life within it irrationally due to just reacting to the picture or the sounds of the machine on a resonate physical level than actually understanding how the machine works. I will start walking self forgiveness on my childhood memories that are coming up with this pattern.

I was standing in front of the microwave in our old kitchen, I was looking into the microwave on my knees on the counter, and my mom came around the corner and yelled ‘Garbrielle! Get off the counter, the microwave can cause cancer!’ So I Jumped off and thought to myself ‘holy shit, I don’t want that’, so there was a belief that was created in that moment that I needed to be fearful of the microwave, reacting in like a shock experience when one starts to run.

So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a huge intense fright when my mom walked in while I was intently focused on the food going around in the microwave, how it spun, and just focused on learning from it, and went into a shock when she yelled at me, allowing me to lose focus and imprint the fear of cancer is caused by machines, tools we use, things that exist in the outer world.

Self Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose focus in that moment due to hearing a loud noise and going into a shock experience where I reacted in anger and blame toward my mom for scaring me like that, and so went into anger and blame emotion in that moment rather than breathing and moving into my physical body as breath to slow down and find what makes sense to live next that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in that moment of yelling at my mom in my backchat, I lost focus and so awareness of my reality, where I allowed a belief of my mothers be passed on to me as I accepted and allowed it and so didn’t follow up in any real time investigation and so solutions that I could live to support me to understand my reality and how it works with more clarity and common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be shown the answers in life, to not want to have to do the actual physical labor it takes to understand how something works in all ways, and so within that walk the necessary correction processes it’ll take to perfect the point within me and so within reality eventually.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire answers from my reality, showing me who I am and what works best for me because underneath that desire was a fear of dying and things being over and done with, so gaining knowledge as a way to combat death when in reality this is a belief and non sensical due to the fact that it’s not about death but how this reality works that I must learn and fear is not needed in these living applications.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the death of myself because I have not yet realized and lived the fact that life can not die, that it is eternal, and that when I am in fear it is my own self limitations I am currently accepting and allowing in my world and so the world at large.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear death and so waste my time on memories and reacting to that in repetition every time I see a microwave or eat food or hear machines running, I as see realize and understand, I can understand what these machines due with more specificity and find solutions to the points I am uncertain about such as the actual facts of harm on microwave pulses and what radiation is for instance, how is it created, and what causes its effect, what are there as solutions if any are required, and be open to creating the reality in equality and oneness with what I am interacting with rather then fear and separation and thus blame/self dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to fight for my self-limitations because I fear without those comforts in my life I will not find comfort on the other side of that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe within myself that I am not able to handle taking full self-responsibility of myself in this life, and so then create a fear of regret at the end of my life because I didn’t push harder. Instead of myself, working with the day to day life and taking my responsibility to work with what is here breath by breath, making it simple and direct, and so doing my best to handle what is here with self honesty and self responsibility when it comes up such as facing fears and being patient to find the solution through understanding.

Self Commitments to Live Change that is Best for all:

I commit myself to learn about where I react on physical levels within or subtle levels or even conscious levels within me to machines, microwaves, cell phones, fluorescent lights, unnatural lights in buildings, food additives, and within this take each one, learning about the physical facts of these points, also get the extra perspective from eqafe and open myself up to solutions that is best for all and so will be best for me to diffuse the fear and live with it in the best way possible or find ways to transmute it so it can be something of value for all here.

I commit myself to stand in self-responsibility in my day to day, breath to breath moments where I see I am able to walk a point of change within myself, and so stand within courage to face self, change, and stand within the responsibility I see I can stand as and do what is best for all life in common sense.

I commit myself to honor myself in this venture by recognizing specifically my triumphs when I do succeed building the self empire of life as who and how I would like to live and so be able to substantiate myself in reality with ‘memories’ of direct living and change that I myself walked, took responsibility for, and lived for myself in honor of all as self.

I commit myself as life to walk the process of learning from my mistakes, being open to all possible outcomes and understandings first before I stand and direct myself to what is best for all within a moment of decision, so working with living the word purposeful patience’s as I walk a process of changing myself in understanding and realizing the resolve to stand as it as I created it within and as myself.

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